44. The Beginning of the End of Landon*

You remember how in my last post, I told you to never ever ever take a guy's virginity unless you were 100% sure of your feelings for him? Well I promise there is a truth in it.

As crazy as I was about Landon, I just knew the entire time that we were not right for each other AT ALL. I mean, take a look at how our relationship started. He was dating my teammate when we first exchanged numbers. When we first "got together," we lied about the relationship. It took him demanding affection from me in order to go public with the relationship. We both should have known when we had to lie that it was a bad idea. But still, for some reason, we decided to truck on and attempt to have a good relationship.

Like I have said, and preached, and will still continue to preach until the day I die, sex changes everything. After Landon and I had sex, our relationship started to steadily decline. He wanted sex a little more often than I did (we actually did not have sex again while we were together), and I was starting to doubt my feelings for him even more. It didn't help that James* started to come around a little more. You see, while Landon and I were trying to pretend we were very happy together, James started seeing that girl that got in the car wreck. They seemed very happy together, and because I was so madly in love with him, I was happy for him. I just wanted to see him happy. That is all.

But somewhere along the way, there was trouble in paradise for them. I didn't know it at the time, but they ended things. I didn't know why or what exactly happened, but because they had broken up, he started coming around me a little more, even thought it meant he had to be around both Landon and I.

James never told me that him an his girl had ended things. He just kind of showed up. Then came my school's fall break. James played football, and I decided to stay the break with my best girl friend at the time, who just so happened to be a manager for the football team. So she and I stayed up way too late the night before the game, and then got up super early the morning of for the community breakfast.

After the community breakfast, we were really tired, and decided to go hang out at James' house after with him and his brother instead of heading back to her house to nap before the game that night. This is when my true feelings for James came to surface and I had no doubt in my mind that I was still crazy about that kid.

My name is Blake*, and it seems like every story of mine starts out great and ends horribly.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent. Mostly, I'm the not-so-innocent

43. The day I became a bad person

After Landon* put his foot down about our relationship, I felt like I was on cloud nine. He was always very supportive of me, and never had any problem sowing me that he cared about me. He would hold my hand and put his arm around me during lunch, visit me between every class period, text me first thing in the morning, and call me every night. All in all he was a wonderful catch. He and I would go to all the high school football games together.

In all honesty, I don't remember a whole lot about our relationship. I just remember that when it all began, I was very happy. We would joke around a lot, and we hardly ever took ourselves serious. It was the perfect high school relationship. Or so I thought. You see, the whole thing about our relationship was that even though he was great to me, I still had the hardest time being over James*. I thought I was crazy because that good friend girl James had? She had been updating her blog about how things were going great between them. So it kind of hurt me that he didn't want a relationship because of baseball, but he was okay with being in a relationship with her. That happens with high school relationships.

So because James didn't seem to want me, I pushed him to the back of my mind. And the more I tried to forget him, the better things became between Landon and I.

As the season was changing from fall to winter, my sports seasons were changing as well. I was pitching the best I had ever pitched in my senior season, and batting a whole lot better than I ever had before, thanks to James' father working with me all summer long. My batting still wasn't anything to talk about, but I actually got hits that season.

Then the end of the season snuck up on me, and playoffs started. As a senior, I knew my last days of playing were coming closer and closer. It stressed me out big time. I took out my frustration on a lot of my friends and family. But no matter how frustrated I was or how bitchy I was to Landon, he never let it get to him. He would just kind of hold me down and tell me I was crazy.

Then, my final game came. We were matched up against another team who had several power hitters. You see, my team was awesome at defense, but we struggled offensively. Not just me, but a lot of us. So when their 4-hole hit a 3-run home run in the bottom of the 5th, we pretty much knew we were done. As much as I hated playing softball, I was completely miserable about having played my last game. Landon was there after the game to console me, drove me (crying) the whole way to the football game that evening, and then after the game we went back to his house to watch a couple movies while I calmed down. I fell asleep crying.

The next thing I know, I wake up to him poking me in the back. The next thing I know, he's on top of me and we're having sex....and I was taking his virginity. It was like 1 a.m., and I was surprised that I hadn't been called to ask where I was yet (even though I was a senior in high school, I still had a midnight curfew). It didn't last very long, and afterwards I felt like a complete jackass for letting it happen. See the thing about it was that he wanted it to happen, but I was still unsure of my feelings for him. And I knew from my last relationship that sex makes things very complicated. I didn't want it to be like that between Landon and I, and the way it happened was awful. It should not have happened. Period.

My name is Blake*, and never, never, never, never, NEVER take a guy's virginity if you are not 100% completely sure of your feelings for him or if you are not 100% completely sure if he actually wants to lose it.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent. Mostly, I'm the not-so-innocent

42. The day Landon put his foot down

So my senior softball season started a few weeks before classes actually started, and Landon* was at every single one of my games. James* would show up to about one every 3 or 4. By all the definitions, Landon should have been the object of all my affections. For the most part he was. But then James would come along and sweet talk his way into my life for just a second, and it would have me doubting any feelings I had for Landon...

So school started, and on my first day of my senior year, Landon and I would sneak glances at each other in the halls all day. Then lunch came and I sat with my normal lunch crew, and Landon went with his normal lunch crew. Which meant I was sitting with James, and he was sitting across the room watching us. Immediately after school, I had a softball game, which he came to. And James did not.

So after the game, Landon called me, and told me that he either wanted to let everyone know we were together, or we had to end it. Now as I've told you, he was amazingly supportive in more ways than I could have ever imagined. I was being completely selfish about the entire situation, so I agreed to let the whole school know we were together. (This is way before facebook was so popular, so there was no "making it facebook official.")

So the next day, Landon and I sat together at lunch and held hands, letting the whole world know that we were together. At the time, I tried to embrace it. But even though I was loving the attention I was getting from Landon, I still felt like a part of me wanted to be with James. But more on that later.

After school that day, everyone was talking about Landon and I. Asking when Landon and I started hanging out and such. Such is life in a small town. So I spilled my guts to everyone.

My name is Blake*, and every girl loves it when a guy becomes aggressive and takes some control.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so- innocent. Mostly, I'm the not-so-innocent.

41. That point where friendships become more than a friendship

I was glad that I got the relief from seeing James* on a regular basis with the summer break. I was super crazy about him, and the daily lunch breaks with him sitting across from me was absolutely torture. So I welcomed summer break with open arms.

Like I mentioned back in this post about NYE my junior year, Fiona* used my phone to talk to her boyfriend Landon*. Landon and I also played basketball together, so he and I got along pretty well. Our friendship developed a lot that summer, as he was my support system. You see, I was going over to James' house almost every day because his father was helping me out with my batting in preparation for my senior year in softball. This means that I was seeing James almost every single day. why yes, I do like torture myself. I kept telling myself that it was to be better my final year of playing softball. James' dad would also make me pitch every single day I was out there too. As much as I hated pitching so often, you could definitely tell the improvement once the season actually started.

Every day after I would leave James' house, Landon would text me and make sure that I was okay. We would even meet up every now and then for lunch and talk through things too. We even went to a couple games of our local minor league baseball team here in town. It was actually during one of those games that we kissed for the first time. I don't exactly know how it happened, but my friendship with Landon developed into more than just a friendship. We kind of kept the relationship to ourselves for the rest of the summer. My family didn't really like him, and his family didn't really like me either (shocking, I know). So he and I would secretly meet up all summer long. I would say I was going to the mall, and then meet him in a nearby park. We would go to baseball games and skip out on them for the last few innings.

As summer was drawing nearer and nearer to a close, he started to ask me what we were going to do once we were around James all the time. I was just kind of in denial and didn't want to talk about anything that was going to be occurring in the future. I basically just told him we'd kind of go with it and see what happens once school started.

But if I were completely honest, neither one of us was happy about the potential of school starting soon...

My name is Blake*, and please, just take my advice. NEVER enter into a relationship when you aren't over someone that you see every day.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent. Mostly, I'm the not-so-innocent.

40. Things aren't always what they seem

You see, what I didn't mention in my two previous posts about James* was that he kind of broke my heart. And by kind of, I mean that everything was going really well between the two of us, but three days before my junior prom, THREE FREAKING DAYS, he told me that he couldn't be with me anymore. Back then, James was 110% serious about playing baseball after high school. He had a friend that had a serious girlfriend, and watched the friend slowly lose sight of his dreams to play baseball after high school. However, I was not the same type of girl as the other girlfriend (I never have been and I never will be). It broke my heart to have him let me go like that, but I told him that I understood...I didn't necessarily like it, but you can't force someone to have feelings for you.

Not to mention, a girl that he cared very deeply for had gotten into a horrific car accident and almost lost her life. They had been friends for a majority of their lives, and there's no way I could compete with their relationship. So I took him to a friend's for them to go to the hospital together, and drove away thinking that was the end of James and I.

After prom, we had about three weeks left of school before we were out for the summer. Those three weeks were agonizing. James still sat at our lunch table every day, so I had to endure being around him 24/7 at school while I still wanted to be with him.
The baseball team made it to the state playoffs that year, and I went halfway across the state to watch them. Unfortunately, the lost in the state finals that year, and I so desperately wanted to walk up to James after the game and let him know that I thought he played well and that I was there for him. But the girl friend of his was there, so I just left quietly and put my feelings aside.

I really wish that I was completely happy during my junior prom, but I knew it was going to be one of my last nights with James. It made me so sad because I was crazy about that kid, but I had to respect him and his feelings. So I made myself miserable to make him happy.

My name is Blake*, and I only thought my heart was broken with Henry*. Sadly, this wasn't the last time I let James break my heart.


*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent. Mostly, I'm the not-so-innocent.

39. Junior Prom part 2

Oh man. Sorry about that month long hiatus. I don't know where the time went. But let's get back to the story....

So I left you all in anticipation about once James* finally opened his front door to let me in.
I didn't know that James was going to be home alone, but he opened the door and just stopped for a second. He seemed to be a little speechless, which mad me grin from ear to ear. I rushed his butt out the door and sped back to my house so that we could take a few pictures with my family before we got on our way to dinner. James and I met up with everyone else at an Italian restaurant in town. When I say we had a big group, I mean we had a HUGE group. I'm pretty sure we had either 17 or 19 people. As you can imagine, dinner took a forever long time, and we ended up getting to the prom venue about an hour and a half after it started.

First and foremost, I have was, am, always have been, and always will be a lover of dancing. So I went to the prom to get my groove on. Unfortunately, my huge group of 17 or 19, including my James, didn't share my love of dancing the night away. Well, all except for one person. You see, Chase* came with us to the prom. He was a year older than I was, so it was his senior prom. And Chase and I had a little bit of history. My freshman year in high school, he and I were on the football homecoming planning committee. This year just happened to be the last year that my school held a dance. Chase was one of the nicest guys in school, and he asked me to dance....then told me that he thought I was beautiful I just ended up telling him I wasn't interested (remember, I couldn't tell you who I liked freshman year). After that, Chase hung out with my group of friends, which is how he ended up going to the prom with my huge group.

Anyways, most of my friends stood off to the side during the dancing part, including James. Every now and then, I could drag James to the dance floor for a slow dance, but he still wasn't a fan. Chase would dance with me quite a bit, and I think it finally gave James a clue that he needed to spend time with ME.

After we were at the venue for about an hour, everyone decided they wanted to leave to head to a bowling alley.I however, was not done dancing the night away, and told James he could leave with them if he wanted but I was staying put. He looked at me like I was crazy, and ended up staying the duration of the prom just for me. I knew he wanted to leave just as much was everyone else, but because he cared about me, he stayed just for me.

It was kind of a good thing he did too, I won a $50 door prize and he won a $100 door prize for staying the whole time. It was legit.

Afterwards, we went bowling for roughly an hour, then went and hung out with some of the guys in our group at his house.

I took him home roughly around 4 a.m., and enjoyed getting to sleep in the entire Sunday morning, reminiscing about how perfect it was spending my entire evening with James.

My name is Blake*, and I was crazy about that kid at this point.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent. Mostly, I'm the not-so-innocent.


Chase went into the military after high school. Right now he is engaged. I don't talk to him much anymore.

38. Even better anticipation because I was crazy about this kid.

I went with my mom and both of my aunts to the local department store to painstakingly hunt for the perfect dress for my junior prom. You see, I was a very tall and slender girl in high school, so finding any kind of dress was always difficult. I never really liked the super poofy ball gowns that all of my friends seemed to enjoy, but I was also so self conscious of my lack of chest. I think I tried on maybe 30 different dresses until I found the one. It was a form-fitting one-shoulder dress that was COVERED in beadwork, and it was a fuschia and orange color. I LOVED it. And I thought I looked stunning in it, despite the curse of the two backs I had in high school.

I called James* to let him know that I had picked out my dress. I tried to explain it to him, but as you can read it's kind of difficult to explain. I think I attempted to explain it four times before he finally said, "Blake*, just tell me what you want my tux to look like and I'll go try stuff on." I wanted him to look just as sexy as I knew I was going to feel, so I decided that I wanted him in all black with a white tie, just because the colors of my dress were going to be difficult to match.

I took a picture of the dress to our local flower shop to have them make the corsage and boutonniere to match my dress as close as possible. As far as plans before and after the prom, we got a big group together and decided to go to dinner together before at an Italian restaurant. Originally, there were going to be about 10 of us, but by the time prom came around we went in a group of 19. James had a baseball game the morning of prom, so while I was spending all day getting ready, James was texting me throughout the day to let me know where he was, how things were going, and when I could be expecting to see him.

Two other friends and I had hair appointments at the same salon, and I had gotten my nails done a couple days before. My hairstylist and I had a hard time trying to figure out how to do my hair (this is the same person who had done my hair the year before, and my freshman year when I went to prom...I know I skipped over that). I explained my dress to her, and she said she didn't want to do something like the year before that was edgy, she wanted to give a little more class to it since the dress needed all the attention. She curled my hair with a flat iron, poofed it up a little at the crown, and then started pulling it toward the center of my head in the back. The best way we could  describe it is that my hair looked like it was in a banana clip without actually being in a banana clip. She also curled tendrils around my face to accent it as well.

The finishing touch was my makeup, and I had my aunt do it. She also didn't want to take away from my dress, so she did tan colors to accentuate my big brown eyes. She then added some shimmering powder just under my eyes and on my cheeks to brighten up my eyes.

The corsage and boutonniere each had ribbons on them that matched perfectly. We had white roses and carnations and then the florists found the perfect fuschia and orange ribbons to tie into the flowers. I stepped into my dress and my 3 inch heels and anxiously waited for James to call me and tell me he was ready for me to come pick him up (he was too young for his license, remember?). Almost everyone was there at my grandmother's house taking pictures together and with their dates, and everyone was there except James.

FINALLY, about an hour before our dinner reservations, James called me and said he was ready. I swear that boy could have taken as long as I could getting ready. My aunt let me borrow her Mercury Mountaineer to drive us to prom, so I drove out to his place to pick him up. I knocked on the door and anxiously waited for him to come to the door to see me in my dress.

My name is Blake, and this prom was my favorite. Good friends, good food, amazing date, and I looked damn good. Just saying.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent. Mostly, I'm the not-so-innocent.

37. The fun part about being in serious like with a prude little freshman

The end of basketball season came along, along with my own heartbreak. You see, basketball was my sport. Yes I played other sports, but basketball was my first love. We never were all that good in basketball so we never made it far in the playoffs, but each year I cried after my last game of the season because I knew I was one season closer to not playing anymore.

After we finished up basketball, James* went straight to baseball and I went to off-season for softball. This year, there were only three of us in it, so I worked on my pitching and batting every single day. We also did a lot of conditioning that spring. All kinds of running and bleacher drills. I looked damn good by the time spring break came along.

Unfortunately, spring break wasn't eventful. If I remember correctly, James would still have practices and games, but he would almost always come visit me when it was over because I lived across the street from the school.

James and I would spend our days and evenings watching whatever baseball game was on TV and SportsCenter. He gave me a love for a new baseball team, and we would cheer them on together. Then I would get bored and fall asleep on my bed while he continued watching SportsCenter.

As much time as James and I would spend in a bed together, we never actually did anything more than kiss. Not make out, just kiss. Trust me, I wanted a make out sesh more than anything, but it just wasn't James' style. He barely liked kissing at all. I guess everyone he had been with before were sloppy kissers, I don't really know. Anytime I tried to kiss for more than a couple times in a row he'd pull away. I still liked it for some reason though. It's whatevs.

Since we didn't kiss, we sure as hell didn't do anything else. Not yet anyways. That's to come.

Spring break and the entire month of March seemed to fly by. Before I knew it, prom was coming around again, so I started looking for dresses and ideas for what i wanted James to wear. The cool thing about him being a freshman is that he told me "Blake*, it's your prom. I'll do whatever you want me to. I just want it to be perfect for you."

Coming up next, my junior prom.

My name is Blake, and the carefree, easy relationship was what I loved most about James. however, I also wished it was a little more. Hopefully you'll understand eventually.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent. Mostly, I'm the not-so-innocent.

36. Junior homecoming

You see, when you're from a small town, your high school has a homecoming for all the major sports. Obviously, the big homecoming of the year is still for football, but we also have one for basketball and wrestling.

Now this year, I got elected as a homecoming attendant for the first time. I should have had it my freshman year, but that's a completely different story. Anyways, that year there was only one senior in basketball, so she automatically got homecoming queen. What the athletic director decided to do was take the junior with the most votes and make her the "senior attendant" and take the junior with the second most votes and make her junior attendant. With this came a lot of bull shit from the girls I called my friends. Even though this caused a ruckus, it was nothing compared to what was to come my senior year. But we'll get to that.

James* and I talked on the phone the whole time I was trying on dresses and he helped me figure out which one I wanted. I didn't really like the one I ended up getting, but I think I paid maybe $15 for the dress at an outlet shop in town.

A couple days before the homecoming game, I attempted to donate blood at my school's blood drive. Now I don't know if you've heard of this before, but I have a condition called "rolling veins." Anytime I attempt to donate blood, the needle will hit the vein and all is good, until about 30 seconds after the initial hit. Then my veins get skittish and start to move away out from under the needle. The result is that I normally can't get the pint needed to donate, and lots of blood pools just underneath the surface of the skin, causing what looks like a humongous bruise. It's not a painful bruise, but it looks awful.

The reason why I tell you this is because I didn't really like my dress. Then the day of homecoming, I have this HUGE bruise looking thing in the crack of my elbow. My "friends" made fun of me for it. And for walking with a guy who was shorter than I was. Basically, it was a shitty day all around.

But then, James came up to me just after the ceremonies, wrapped me up in a bear hug and whispered in my ear "Blake*, you are SO beautiful. The other girls are just jealous." And so, I melted. Hook, line, and sinker. We took a picture together, and to this day it is still one of my favorite pictures of us.

My name is Blake, and sometimes sweet words from a boy can make the world a better place.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

35. Nerves, with a shot butterflies

February came around, and I was starting to look for dresses for my junior/senior prom. Now like I've said before, James* and I were together without the title. I liked him a lot, and he liked me a lot, and I knew that I wanted to take him to prom. I just didn't know how he'd feel about going with me. So I finally decided that I did want him to accompany me, and I did what any responsible older person would do, I went to his parents and asked for their permission to accompany me to my junior prom. I'd have to drive us everywhere, and I wanted to make sure it was okay with them for me to steal him away for half a day.

So I asked his father if I could take him with me to prom, and his dad said, "Well of course, you jackass." That's why I love his parents.

Unfortunately, his father also told him that I was planning on asking him to prom. I think it was easier for me to ask his parents than it was to ask him, just because I didn't think he would want to go. So after school one day, before a basketball game, I finally got the nerve to ask him. I walked up to him and told him I needed to talk to him.

He and I were setting out chairs together, and I said "Soooo, James, I have something I need to talk to you about. I kinda sorta wanna ask you something..." and his reply was, "Yeah, I'll go to the prom with you."
"How the hell did you know that?"
"Oh, Dad told me you were going to ask me. That's kind of weird that you asked him before you asked me."
"I was only trying to be polite. I would expect you to have asked my mom if it was okay for you to take me if I were a freshman an you were a junior. Just saying."

So James agreed to go with me to my senior prom. The female manager of his team overheard our conversation and got mad. She had the biggest crush on him, and as long as he and I weren't "official," she felt she had a chance at winning his heart. Either way, his answer made me super happy, and I skipped to tthe locker room to change into my uniform and get my mp3 player.

I had the date, all I needed was to work on a dress! I was the happiest girl in the world.

My name is Blake*, and I still look back on his "yes" as one of the happiest moments of my young love life.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

34. Back to school, back to normal seeing time

James* and I returned to school in January, and I was super excited to be able to see him almost every day. I enjoyed the little half hugs between classes in the hallways, holding hands when sitting next to each other at lunch, sneaking glances at each other during conversations, and spending time between school and games together. I really liked this kid a lot, but it was hard for me to want to like him so much. The only other real relationship I had had at that point was with Henry. And as you could tell, it wasn't a very healthy relationship. Because of that unhealthy relationship, I was afraid to let myself care that much about someone ever again.

James' birthday was midway through January. He and i hardly ever went on dates, but I convinced him to go on a date with me to the dollar theater in town. I picked what I thought would be a short movie, but it ended up being almost three hours long. I was so afraid we were going to get in trouble for being out so late...it was only his 15th birthday, after all. (I had just turned 17 a few months before, so I promise it wasn't as bad as it sounds!)

Immediately after the movie, we called his parents to let them know that we had just finished the movie. His dad understood, he had seen the movie before and knew how long it was going to be. We just had to head straight home since it was a little after midnight. It was no problem for me.

At this point, James and I had been together for a little over two months. We held hands all throughout the three hour movie, and he finally gave me a little kiss on the lips right at the end of the movie. To me, it was the sweetest gesture in the world.

I counted that night as our first date. Even though it was for a cheap movie, he paid, bought dinner, and bought us snacks. He finally admitted to me that he kinda liked me that night as well.

My name is Blake*, and first dates are always memorable, no matter how many you go on.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

33. A little downtime to prove my like.

I can't exactly remember if the following events occurred before or after NYE, but I know this is when James* and I started to be a little more serious.

You see, even though James told me that he liked me often, it took a while for it to get that way.

One night, I convinced him to go with me to Fiona's* neighbor's house and hang out with a bunch of the guys and girls from the basketball teams. He played street ball with one of the guys for a couple hours while each of us girls got all mushy over each of the guys there (we were perfectly paired off). A couple of the guys were cute, but I only had eyes for James.

Eventually the boys stopped playing ball, and we all headed inside to watch some movies. Two couples headed to the bedrooms to do what they do, and me, James, and one other couple stayed inside. I wanted so badly to just kiss James, but he wouldn't have it. I tried EVERYTHING to kiss him, and he just didn't want to be having a public display there in front of God and everybody. Eventually I just gave up and we sat in the recliner together to watch who knows what movie.

Eventually his mom called and told him he needed to be home. While we were on our way home, he told me he wanted to spend more time with me. So I drove him home, and he told me to drive down the street just a little bit, and he'd put his mom in her bedroom then come get me. So I did what he said. I was in serious like with this young cub, and would have stolen the moon for him if he asked me to.

I wish I could say that he and I actually ended up kissing all that night, but it just wasn't his style. Instead, he was just super sweet the whole night  and held me...he was also obsessed with the song "Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts at the time, so it played on repeat throughout the whole night.

We laid in his bed talking for hours, and he held me, kissed me on the forehead, and held my hand all night. It was beautiful.

About 4 a.m. rolled around, and I told him I was sooooooo tired and that it was going to suck ass trying to drive back to my house. His mom was also going to be waking up in the next 30 minutes - hour and we didn't want to cause problems with her.

He walked me to my car, and I drove on a cloud the whole way home. I knew I was headed for trouble and I was running into the wall of love hoping for a concussion.

My name is Blake*, and I can't listen to Bless the Broken Road without thinking of that night. It forever changed me.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

32. My first super drunken NYE with good friends

James* and I surprisingly hit it off really well. I don't know what it was about us, but the chemistry was there from the first time I told him I thought he was cute. I loved spending time with him before and after practices and games almost every day. We didn't really do anything but sit around watching sports on TV, but we got along really well.

We were together about three weeks before Christmas break hit. That first Christmas break was when I found out how hard Christmas was for him. I found out that his grandpa had passed away on a Christmas Eve, and he had also been broken up with on a Christmas Eve. So I just sent him a text message that wished him well and told him that I was thinking about him all day and that I would be there if he needed me. I didn't see him at all that break.

New Years Eve came along, and I decided to spend it with my teammate Fiona*. She and I broke into her parents' liquor cabinet and sneaked a drink before we had our other teammate's brother come pick us up. The five of us acted like jackasses walking around the country sipping on vodka and Coke like it was the best tasting shit in the world. And it was a fun ass time.

James didn't drink. He hated when I was drinking too, so I tried to stay away from my phone and him all throughout the night. He was at a church lock in with his oldest brother Tommy*, and toward the end of the night he called me. It made my night. I was so happy to hear from him, and he told me that he was having a lot of fun but he really missed me. And that these girls were hitting on him so he wanted a picture of me to show them who his beautiful girlfriend was. Talk about a sweetheart.

Fiona was dating a boy named Landon*. The problem was, Fiona's parents didn't like them dating. So in order for Fiona and Landon to be able to talk to each other, the used my phone. So I used Fiona's phone to talk to James, and Fiona used my phone to talk to Landon. It was a night of deceit and I loved every second of it.

Other than talking to James for a little bit, that was about the extent of the excitement of my New Years Eve for my junior year in high school.

My name is Blake*, and NYE is a kick ass time as long as you have amazing people to spend it with.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent


Update on the boys in this entry:
This is just the beginning of the long and complicated relationship between James and I.

Surprisingly, you'll get to hear more about Landon in the future :)

31. Meet my high school sweetheart

After I got done wasting time with Fraser, I began to focus my attention on James*. James was a couple years younger than I was, and we both played basketball together. Me and my friend Haley* both noticed James the first day of school. We looked at our other girl friends and said "DAMN! When did James get HOTT?! What happened to the little chubby kid that used to play baseball?!" And yes, he was very hot. He had slimmed up over the summer and his hair got lighter with the sun and his eyes were just as beautifully blue as before. James and I first started talking to each other every now and then just as friends, and then once basketball season started we talked more and more.

At first he was with some other girl, but they were just "talking"...you know how high school romance goes. First you're "talking," then you're "together"...DUMB. Anyways, so he and this other girl were "talking," and then somehow after the second week of basketball games, he and her were no longer talking and he and I exchanged numbers and were talking and/or texting almost every single night.

I'm not exactly sure when we decided we were "together," but the next thing I knew we were spending quite a bit of time together.

James' story is a very long and complicated one, so I just wanted to introduce you to him for today. Stay tuned!

My name is Blake*, and I would have never thought I would let someone my brother's age sweep me off my feet.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

30. Not as much Fraser as I thought.

Like I said in my last post, Fraser* was a bad boy. And him being a bad boy made him sexier than ever. His bike made him hot, and his ice blue eyes made him dead sexy. Fraser and I started hanging out just about every weekend, and even a couple times during the week. He would come and meet me after my softball games, and sometimes I would go meet him after my games.

Fraser and I had a lot of fun together. It was all carefree, and most of the time we would just sit around and have a few drinks with his buddies. Me and my friends hung out there almost every weekend, and 9 times out of 10 all my friends would get drunk while I was being a designated driver for them all.

I was also very naive as a high school student, and there was even one weekend where Fraser's friend was rolling a couple joints right in front of us (not smoking them), and I was the only one who had no idea what the hell was going on. Fraser and his buddies apparently were into some recreational drug use because this wasn't the first time they brought the stuff around new people. Fraser never got high in front of me, but he did smoke his cigarettes.

I surprisingly thought that I had a lot more to say about Fraser but it seems like I don't. So here's the breakup:

About three weeks before we broke up, Fraser got into a TERRIBLE accident on his bike. He was taken to the hospital where he had road rash all over his forearms and upper body. While he was in the hospital, he asked his roommate to call me and ask me to come up there. So I went to the hospital, where both of his parents were. They shook my hand and said "You're Blake*? He's been asking for you for hours. Go ahead and go back there." It kind of freaked me out because we had only been together for a couple months and I thought it was weird he wanted to see me when there was a good chance he could have died. Especially because we hadn't had sex at that point. Luckily he had his helmet on and it didn't break his neck.

I went over to his house almost every day to kind of take care of him. I helped change his sheets and bandages, and made sure he took his medicines and ate. After a couple weeks, he felt a little better. I was over one weekend when he talked me into having sex with him. He was kind of short, and he was pretty big for how little he was, if you get what I'm saying. It hurt, but it wasn't awful like my first time where I cried in the middle of it. The next night, I came over, and  he had over-medicated himself. When I walked into his room, he looked at his roommate and said "What the hell is SHE doing here. WHERE'S SARAH*?!" I had no idea who Sarah was, but the roommate told me it was this other girl he liked. Okay, thanks asshole.

Three days later, he broke up with me. No real explanation, but I definitely felt like he used me for sex then said peace. Jerk. So that was the end of Fraser.

My name is Blake, and like I've said before, sex changes EVERYTHING.


*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent


Update on Fraser:
I actually saw him one more time before I lost contact with him. I think it was near the end of my senior year in high school, when I was happily in a relationship (Fraser and I happened at the beginning of my junior year). He and I just hung out at a local ice cream shop and got sodas and talked a little bit. I don't know that I ever tried to contact him again, but after that afternoon getting drinks, I never heard from him again.

29. The beginning of a little longer short-lived fling

In my excitement to get to the story about James*, I almost forgot about Fraser*. AHHHH FRASER. Honestly, Fraser was BAD NEWS. I met Fraser when some friends and I headed into town one weekend. There was one specific avenue that lots of people would cruise down and show off their pimped out rides and motorcycles. Fraser was definitely a motorcycle guy. My friends and I had stopped for some drinks at one of the gas stations along the road, and Fraser and his buddies were in the parking lot. As we were walking back to our car, they cat called at us. We, being the 16/17/18 year old girls that we were giggled and hurriedly went back to our cars. We thought that would be the end of that. No no. Instead, the guys gave us about a half a block head start before they started riding after us, Fraser on his bike and the other guys in the truck.

We cruised up and down the road a few times before we stopped back at the gas station to fill up before we headed back home. Apparently they had been cruising behind us a majority of the night and followed us to the gas station again. Fraser came up to me and asked if I wanted to go for a ride with him. I respectfully declined, and told him that if he wanted to take me for a ride, he'd meet me at the same place next week.

A week went by, and me and my girls headed back out to drive again (you can definitely tell gas was much cheaper then...). We didn't think we'd see them again, but sure enough, Fraser was there like he promised. And like I promised, I went for a ride with him. I made him give me his helmet, and off we went. He had taken my friend Haley* on a ride the week before. While we were out on our little ride, he and I stopped at one point and just talked for a little bit. He told me that while he enjoyed meeting all of us, he really liked that I didn't just hop on his bike ride away and made him wait a week. We then headed back to my friends, and they actually kind of got mad for how long we were away....needless to say, Fraser and I exchanged numbers before I headed home. Fraser called me by the end of the night it was fantastic. He was so sexy, and he had a bike. This was the first "bad boy" that I had ever been infatuated with.

Well now that you know the background of how Fraser and I met, I'll leave him be for now. Even though Fraser was pretty short-lived, he was a lot of fun and the three months we were together were pretty fun too! (Until the end, obviously.)

Stay tuned for more about Fraser!

My name is Blake*, and why do all women love a bad boy?!

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

28. Short lived flings

After my break up with Henry*, I did hang out with one guy for a couple weeks during the summer. I met him at one of my softball tournaments, but it wasn't anything to get excited over.

Junior year started a year of uncertainty for me. I was really contemplating quitting softball, and it didn't help that Henry and I were still talking to each other every now and then. But then, the third day of school, I noticed a cute boy. Enter Forest*. Forest was the new guy in town, so of course he had everyone's attention. I don't really know how Forest and I ended up talking, but we exchanged numbers and soon began text messaging each other constantly. He and I went on one date that lasted a good majority of the day. We went to the mall and window shopped, and then went to a drive-in movie. We jokingly got into a fight and turned our backs to each other (while laying down). Next thing I know, we're both waking up and seriously being like WHY DID YOU LET ME FALL ASLEEP?!

However, as quickly as our infatuation started, it ended just as quickly. He told me that I was way too clingy and obsessive and texted and called way too much...ummm okay. That's cool. I just kinda let it roll off my shoulders and said whatever to it, we had just started hanging out so it wasn't that big of a deal to me.

Plus there was a cute freshman (James*) that I had been looking at from pretty much the first day of school, because when he was a kid, he was cute. But then he got into high school and started growing in height, and he was HOT. But James is another story that's going to take up multiple posts :) stay tuned!

My name is Blake*, and what is this mess about me obsessively calling and texting?! Homie, you called just as much as I did!!

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent


Update on the boys in this entry:
Surprisingly, Forest and I maintained a friendship through our graduation. You get to hear more about him later :)

27. All good things must come to an end

As I've mentioned before, Henry* and I actually fought quite a bit. There was one fight in particular that my cell phone accidentally dialed him while my mom and I were talking about him, and she was revealing her usual disgust for our relationship. It's not that she didn't necessarily like him, she just thought he was emotionally abusive to me and that I deserved better.

Henry began tagging along with me to my church on Wednesday nights at my request. Henry had already graduated, and he came to my town one Wednesday night in June. He came down a little earlier than necessary so we could just hang out and go get some dinner before we went to church. This particular week, Lizzie* and Tony* also decided to join us. We all hung out at Lizzie's place for a little bit before heading downtown to a local Italian restaurant. While we were eating, Tony and Henry started making jokes at my expense, and something just set me over the edge. I'm not sure what exactly they said that pissed me off, but Henry got into it BIG TIME at the restaurant. We weren't quite yelling, but I do remember leaving the restaurant before I finished my dinner.

While he and I were in the car together, the fight really escalated. Before I knew it, I was yelling and crying at the same time. I told him that we didn't need to go to church anymore because there was no way I was going to calm down in time (in about 20 minutes). Instead, he and I went back to my house and sat in his car in the driveway and continued to fight. He and I yelled and argued and aired out everything we hated about each other, and then finally around 9 p.m., we decided to just end things. At the end of it all, we were both crying. He begged me to re-think it, to stay with him. Truth is, I knew this was a long time coming. He was heading off to college in the fall, and we were both so emotionally abusive to each other that I knew I would never be able to fully trust him while he was away.

I tried walking into my house and he ran out of his car after me to try to get me to change my mind. It caused us to start talking again, causing me to get back in his car to talk more. I think I ended up staying out there until around midnight, and finally, I just couldn't cry anymore. My last words were "I'm getting out of this car, going to bed, and you're not following me. You're going to drive home, and that will be the end of it."

It wasn't quite the end of it, because we definitely did try to get back together the next day, but it only lasted a couple weeks. I told him to stop calling me (way before text messaging was the way to communicate).

Ten months. We were together for ten months, and then I selfishly broke it off.

My name is Blake*, and he was the first person I ever said "I love you" to. Unfortunately, I found out a couple years later that I said it, but those feelings weren't as genuine as the guy I now call my high school sweetheart.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent


Update on the boys in this entry:
Henry and I continued to talk to each other off and on. In fact, he and I are still pseudo-friends, and we hang out almost every time he comes to my town. It's actually not awkward at all. Except for when a girl that likes him is a bitch to me because she thinks we're getting back together. HELL NO.

26. A night to remember

Henry's*  parents rented a car for us to drive to his prom. Since it was his senior prom, his parents wanted it to be the nicest prom he had gone to yet. Henry showed up in a very nice rented Cadillac. He knocked on the door to my house and my mom opened up the door. The look on his face was the best part of the night. Now, I was one of the biggest tomboys you would ever meet, so for him to see me with makeup on and everything was kind of a big deal. But nothing could prepare me for his reaction when he saw the way I looked.

We did our usual where our parents took a ridiculous amount of pictures of just the two of us, just us by ourselves, and then us with Lizzie* and Tony*. Then the four of us piled into the Caddy and went to a nice little bistro for our dinner reservations. I had braces at the time, so I had to be real careful as to what I ate. Didn't want to show up to prom with lettuce and stuff hanging in my teeth!

After we finished dinner, we still had a couple hours before the prom started, so we went back to Henry's town to visit with his dad. This is where Henry and I separated from Tony and Lizzie. Tony wanted to take Lizzie by his house to show her off to his parents, and Henry and I were meeting up with Heath* and his girlfriend Dani*. This is the same girl that hung out with us on New Years Eve, so I wasn't very excited to be spending that evening with her. Heath had broken the heart of one of my friends to be with her, so I never fully trusted her, but I digress.

The four of us piled into the car and headed to the prom after hanging out with Henry's dad for a little bit. Dani had a flask and had brought some liquor in it, which she and Heath sat and drank in the back seat of the car. They offered some to Henry and I, but I refused and told Henry that if he drank while he was driving us, even if it was one sip, that he could just forget about me staying at the prom and I would have my mom come pick me up. So because I was  a bitch about it, Henry didn't drink either.

Once we got to the venue, Henry and I picked out a table and sat down for a little bit. My typical shoe attire every day was a pair of tennis shoes, so the small 3 inch heels were killing my feet. We sat down for a little bit, until Lizzie and Tony joined us, then the four of us headed to the dance floor and danced the night away. We danced all the normal ones you hear, like YMCA, Cha Cha Slide, and the Electric Slide too. But the one dance that I will never forget was a slow dance that Henry and I shared. "Our song" was a Hoobastank song that he and I loved a lot, but the song never got played. Instead, during the song "Amazed," a country song by Lonestar, Henry sang the entire song to me. Like I said, his voice was sexy, so hearing him sing to me was fantastic.

He and I stayed the duration of the prom, and then returned to his house so I could change. I think originally we were planning on going bowling after the prom, but because we had stayed for the whole time, we didn't want to pay just to bowl half a game. Instead, we decided to meet up with everyone at IHOP. I don't really like pancakes all that much, and to be honest I was exhausted and was just ready to go home. But we pulled into the IHOP parking lot and sat and talked for a little bit, and then he decided that he was ready to go home too.

I can't remember if I was allowed to stay the night with him or not. If I wasn't allowed to stay the night, I know I was allowed to stay out past my curfew. I feel like I did stay the night with him, but I can't really remember. I know I got home very early the next day. Henry and I didn't have sex that night just because I was so tired. It was one of the best nights of my life.

Even though that night created a euphoric memory for me, Henry and I were in high school, and you know how often high school relationships last....

My name is Blake*, and prom can truly be a magical night, just as long as you are smart about it. I didn't drink that night, and it was one of the best proms I ever went to.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

25. Anticipation is half the fun

I had gone to prom the year before with a friend of the family in the next town over. I bought the dress last minute, and wasn't in love with it, only spent a couple hours getting ready, and had my mom do my makeup. I wan't that into it just because I viewed him as only a friend. We went to a nice dinner and didn't stay at the prom for more than an hour or two before he took me home.

I was determined to make this prom different. Henry* and I had exchanged those three little words shortly before we had sex for the first time, so I knew that this year's prom would be different. I was going with a guy who was  my boyfriend, who I cared for and loved, and who I knew would love how HOT I looked in my dress.

I woke up way earlier than I had originally intended to on that Saturday morning because I was so incredibly nervous. I got up, ate some wonderful homemade breakfast of biscuits and eggs, and then called my friend Lizzie*. She and I had made plans to spend all day getting ready together. We still had a few hours to go before our hair appointments, so we decided to go get our nails done instead.

We both went with classier looks for our nails, we both got a French manicure on our hands and feet. She and I talked nonstop about how excited we were for the evening and how excited we were for our boys to see us in our dresses.

We left the nail place and headed to the salon to get our hair done. My hairdresser asked about my dress and how I wanted my hair styled to match it. Since my hair is naturally curly, I decided that I wanted something straight. My hairstylist was a creative genius, and put together something straight that was still an updo. I can't really explain what it was, other than she straightened my hair and then wrapped it around in a bun, but there were still pieces sticking out all over the place, and there were pieces framing my face. It doesn't sound very pretty, but by the time she was finished working her magic, I WAS IN LOVE. It was more perfect than I could have ever imagined.

Once our hair was done, Lizzie and I headed back home to do our makeup. This year, I still saved money by having a family member do it, but I also requested that my eyes be a little more dramatic to match my dress.

Of course between all of this, we made a Taco Bell run to keep us from passing out from the anxiety. It was that late Taco Bell run that made me feel like I was no longer going to be able to fit into my slinky little black dress. So after all of this getting ready, the time finally arrived. Our boys were on their way to come get us for our dinner reservations. My mom helped me into my dress, and I loved how it all came together...the hair, the nails, the makeup, down to the shoes. I loved it all. Now all I needed to go with it was my Henry.

My name is Blake*, and we all know the best part of prom is that "wow" moment when your date sees how pretty you look.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

24. Sexually active teens

Now I know that from my last post, it seemed like ALL Henry* and I did was fight. And we did fight quite a bit, but there were good days as well.

Even though I had sex way too young and it hurt like hell, eventually I got to where it wasn't so bad. I'm not one of those people that will say the more I had sex, the more I enjoyed it because it really was a few years later that I got to where I WANTED sex bad. But me being the good girlfriend that I was, played along.

I remember one night in particular that Henry and I did our usual date - dinner at our local hole in the wall Mexican restaurant, and then we decided to rent a movie to take back to his place. Then we got to talking on the way home, and he asked if I wanted to have sex before we went back. Sure!

We drove for about 45 minutes all through the country back roads to try to find a spot that was secluded enough for us to park his car. We seriously drove past the place we ended up stopping three times before he finally stopped there. I finally convinced him to stop or it wasn't going to happen. So we stopped. And we did.

*****

On a completely different occasion, Henry and I were just hanging out in his room (door open) listening to music. We started talking about getting busy, and then kinda got after it. Not full-on sex, but the fun stuff leading up to it. While I was helping Henry out, his twin brother Heath* walked in on us. Heath then jumped on the bed as I scooted up the bed to cover Henry up. Heath could be an ass like that sometimes.

*****

And here's one more embarrassing story pertaining to mine and Henry's sex life.

One night, Henry and I were hanging out in his room. I had brought over a camera and we were taking pictures together. This very rarely happened (us taking pictures), so I loved every second of it. This was also back before everyone and their mother had a digital camera, so he told me he couldn't wait to get them developed to see how good we looked together. Then he kept telling me how pretty I was and stuff like that. He knew how to sweet talk with the best of them.

Next thing I know, Henry and I are deep into foreplay when his dad barges into his room. We both freeze, and his dad goes "Uhhh Henry, when you're done there, come in the living room. We need to talk." I was super embarrassed. Henry looks at me and said "You heard him; we can finish up." UHH NO THANK YOU,  HENRY. I'm not about to "finish up" when your dad just walked in on us. I made him go in the living room to see what his dad wanted to talk to him about.

I thought the way the dad barged in, we were going to get in HUGE trouble and his dad was going to call my mom. Henry said that his dad just wanted to tell him that his oldest brother would be in town the next week, and what the plans were as far as that was concerned. Henry then left to come back to the room and he goes "Oh and Henry, next time, just lock your door. Or wait until I go to bed."

And that was it. I was still super embarrassed and could hardly look at his dad at all. But that was all he said about it.



So there you have it. Being sexually active at a young age is dumb because you have to sneak around all the time and 9 times out of 10 you get caught and you will be super embarrassed.

My name is Blake*, and sex changes everything.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

23. Hello dress that made me feel like a sex kitten!

Tonight's post brought to you by....TEQUILA! (some coworkers and I went out for happy hour after work. OOPS. Blog post commence.

In my last post, I admitted that I became sexually active at WAY too early an age. As you can imagine, this changed my view about everything. Henry* and I had been fighting almost nonstop for almost three months by the time the sexual activity rolled around. I really wanted to break things off with him, but I didn't really know how to. Especially because he was my very first boyfriend.

Me being the SUPER SHALLOW person that I was, realized that it was roughly two months until Henry's senior prom, and I didn't want to break up with him and leave him stranded just before his prom. That, and I went to prom as a freshman the year before and didn't want to miss out on the opportunity to go again.

Also, my family decided to take me prom dress shopping shortly after the sex too, and I found a dress that made me look sexy as hell. Therefore, I decided to stick it out. Because I'm a shallow bitch. But I realize that now.

I bought my dress just before spring break from a department store. It was black, floor length, slimming (but I was a size 6 so everything was slimming), and had mesh plus beadwork detailing on a large portion on my back. Like almost to my crack. On the front, it had mesh plus beadwork detailing for a large portion of my stomach as well. I felt like a sex goddess in the dress.

We got the dress at a reasonable price, then it sat in the back of my closet for the next two months while I endured through all the fighting Henry and I were doing.

My name is Blake*, and I know I'm shallow. I can't excuse my actions.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

22. The day I became a woman (at too young an age)

I should have known that the random fighting for no reason would eventually ruin Henry* and I. No one should argue as much as we did, especially at the ages of 18 and 16. What did we have to be unhappy about?

After Valentine's Day, I started feeling like we needed to break up. I couldn't exactly explain why, I just felt like it needed to happen. I think he could sense that I felt that way, and started to be super nice and sweet to me. It reminded me of how our relationship was in the beginning.

March 7th is a day that will go down in infamy in the history of Blake*.
It was a Saturday, and we made our usual date plans to go and get dinner and a movie. Henry's parents were separated, and one of them was out of town for the entire weekend. We made plans all week that this would be the night we finally had sex. At that point, I was the only one of my friends still holding on to my virginity, Lizzie* and Tony* had been having sex for a couple months. They even asked me multiple times why I hadn't "given it up yet."

We actually went to a local steakhouse, where he splurged more money on me. I'm sure it was all in the effort to prove to me that he did love me (we had been saying "I love you" for a couple weeks at that point), and that all the fighting wasn't going to break us apart. While we were out to dinner, I was so nervous about what was coming that I convinced him to skip the movie so we could just go back to his parent's place an "get it overwith." Luckily he didn't take offense to that because he knew how nervous I was. Heath* knew what was going on, so he stayed away from the house until way later in the evening.

I wish I could say that it was magical and I loved it. But first time sex is awful and horrible. I was so nervous that I had a hard time...preparing for it all, and he finally helped me out. As soon as he was inside me, I started crying. NOTHING can prepare you for the first time you have sex. I had been told by lots of people that it hurt the first time, but I just had no idea how bad it would hurt. Because I was crying, he asked if I wanted to stop. I told him no, that I just wanted to get it over with. He felt bad that he was making me cry so he stopped. I literally curled up in a ball on his bed and laid there for a while. Henry kept asking what he could do to make me feel better. Nothing could have helped.

Later on in the night, we got into the hot tub to try to relax. We were attempting to try again in the hot tub, but it was just too painful for me. It was while we were out in the hot tub that Henry's brother Heath came home with his girlfriend. He came out, yelled "I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!" And ran back inside the house. Henry and I decided that having sex that night was a lost cause, so we got out of the hot tub and went inside. I then returned home later that night and acted as if nothing happened.

My name is Blake, and I lost my virginity at the age of 16. I thought I was old enough to deal with everything that meant, but looking back on it I know I was entirely WAY too young to have sex then. I hope that if ANY 16 year old girls are reading this, they will listen to me when I say HOLD ON TO IT FOR A WHILE LONGER! It will be worth it eventually. I promise.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

21. First time I started HATING Valentine's Day

*As a warning, this post is being written while sipping on some yummy blackberry Merlot. May the post commence*

In light of the recent holiday (Single's Awareness Day for my fellow single ladies out there), I thought it was appropriate to skip ahead to my first BIG Valentine's Day with a boyfriend. At this point, Henry* and I had been together for about six months. He and I had our routine every weekend. Since we lived so far away, we usually picked either his town or mine to hang out in, and took turns driving back and forth.

When we were in his town, we would go to a local Mexican restaurant, have pretty much the same thing every week, and would spend about $20 between the two of us.

If I remember correctly, Valentine's Day was on a weekday, and either one or both of us had a game that night. So we decided to make plans to hang out that weekend.

Ok, so I'm TERRIBLE at giving gifts to guys. Especially for things like Valentine's Day, where it's CLEARLY a holiday that's meant for guys to buy girls stuff. I decided to decorate a plastic cup for him, fill it with "kisses" (SO CORNY), and his favorite gum. I tried to wrap it creatively, but ended up using colored cling wrap. Whateves. I honestly don't even really remember what he got me. I think he hand picked me some roses (which I thought was AWESOME) and maybe got me something else? I don't really remember.

Instead of doing our usual routine, he decided to switch it up and take me to a nicer restaurant. It was a restaurant that was in the downtown area, and he had gone to it for prom the year before. It was a little hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant, and I was kind of excited to try it.

We got there, and it was way more fancy than what either of us had dressed for. They gave us our menus, and most of it was seafood. They had a special menu to celebrate the holiday, but unfortunately neither of us found anything that sounded too appetizing to us. It really kind of pissed him off when I asked if we could just leave and go to our usual restaurant.

We went to our usual Mexican restaurant, ordered our usual dinners, and ate in complete silence. He was so mad that the night didn't go as he originally planned, and kind of took it out on me. I'm pretty sure we even got into a little fight about how childish he was being.

We made up within the next couple days, but this Valentine's Day will forever taint all of my future Valentine's Days. I like the idea of having a day to express your love, but I feel like it shouldn't be one day a year of all this grandeur. Plus, when things like my night happen, it can ruin the entire evening. If one thing had gone correctly that night, I don't think I would have started having a bad view of Valentine's Day. But he got pissy about everything, and I ended up going home immediately after the dinner instead of going to a movie like we usually did.

I had a couple Valentine's Day that went okay, but this one was complete shit.

My name is Blake*, and sometimes you just gotta go with the flow. Otherwise, you'll piss your girl off.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

20. My first New Years Eve that involved alcohol

To be honest, I couldn't even tell you what Henry* got me for Christmas. I feel like it was probably something good. He was a pretty good gift giver, of all things. But we did spend New Years together. I really liked his mom a lot, and she invited me and my mom over for games for New Years. There were also drinks for everyone, and Heath* was there with his new girlfriend. I wasn't sure about the new girlfriend just because Heath had kind of broken the heart of one of my friends. This friend of mine is one of the nicest girls ever, so the fact that he kind of used her made it to where I didn't trust Heath too much.

However, the longer the night went on and the more intoxicated I started to feel, the more I liked her (this later became a good thing).

Henry and I spent a majority of the night just talking and being obnoxious. Then later in the night we kind of got into an argument. I don't remember what it was about or why, but I'm sure it was just because we were both drinking. We fought, I cried, and then we made up. I'm sure it was all just being ridiculous, but either way, it was a fight that shouldn't have happened. I feel like this was the beginning of the many fights that we had until our demise...but that's a story for a later day.

My name is Blake*, and drinking around another couple that tries to make PDA a competition could cause problems for you and your boyfriend (I'm almost positive that's what we fought about that night).

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

19. First birthday with a serious boyfriend

Henry* and I's relationship was good at the beginning (I'm pretty sure I mentioned that already). He and I had been together for about two and a half months before my Sweet 16th rolled around. Now, I was just a lowly sophomore in high school, and I abandoned quite a few of my friendships from my school. Plus my mom was a little poor, so we didn't have huge plans for my 16th birthday. Henry wasn't going to let that happen.

He convinced Tony and Lizzie to meet up with us for dinner and a movie the weekend before my birthday. To be honest, I couldn't tell you what movie we went to, but he let me pick it. I probably picked a chick flick. But he did take m to our favorite restaurant in his hometown, and then surprised me with my birthday present. He bought me a very nice Fossil watch with the face of it having my favorite color. I was kind of beside myself because I knew how expensive Fossil watches were.

My birthday also happened to fall on Thanksgiving that year, and he wanted to make sure that I had a good day. Instead of going with his family for Thanksgiving, he instead came with me to my family's. I can't exactly remember the details of my birthday weekend. I barely even remembered him being there, until I was reminded that he came with us out of town. I'm sure I went to dinner and a movie that weekend too, except for in the next state over. Henry and I went to dinner and a movie pretty often. Almost every date.

I will say this about it, it was probably the best birthday present I could have ever asked for. I never expected anything quite like that from someone I had barely been with.

My name is Blake*, and this was the first piece of jewelry I got from a boyfriend. And I loved it! And still have it. what?!


*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

18. Silly nights make for awesome memories

Henry* and I got a long great in the beginning. I would skip my high school's football games to attend his, hang out with him for a little bit afterwards, and then he'd take me home (I didn't have my license yet). Most weekends, he'd either come and spend time with me and my family, or he'd come pick me up and take me to  his hometown for a date at a couple of our favorite restaurants (they weren't around my hometown). Most of our dates were dinner and a movie. I enjoyed it a lot.

At one point, we convinced my friend Haley* that she needed to date Henry's twin brother Heath*. The cool thing about Haley is that she also lived pretty far away from where our parents were too. There was one weekend that her mom was going out of town, so we convinced the boys to come over and hang out with us. They weren't staying the night, we just wanted them to come hang out. It was definitely a girls' night with a little bit of testosterone injected for some fun.

The girls and I started the night out like normal--movies and snacks. Then we started getting silly. Then the boys came just barely after dark (they had told us they weren't coming anymore) and scared the shit out of us.  They started banging on the doors and windows and shining flashlights into the house. So what did we do? We hid. And almost started crying. We debating calling our moms and the cops, but then they called each of us and said they were outside. The bastards.

Once we calmed down, we did what any normal 15-16 year olds would do when they were home alone with their boyfriends: We played hide and seek in the house! (What were you thinking?!)When neither I nor Henry were "it," we would hide together and hold each other and kiss constantly. That's what caused us to be found. Every. Single. Time. We still hadn't had sex at this point, so kissing was as far as it went.

Eventually, we decided to stop playing hide and seek and sat down to watch a movie. I don't even think we finished the movie before the guys headed home.

It was a night full of silliness with good friends, and it was one of the most fun nights I've ever had with some of my best friends.

My name is Blake*, and this was before I lost my innocence.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

17. Awkward first dates

As I mentioned in my last post, Henry* and I went on a date as a couple for his birthday. It was also our first solo date. We had hung out with Lizzie* and Tony* once before, but had yet to do anything just the two of us.

I actually had a softball tournament that weekend, and he drove to it to see me. He also brought his twin brother and his father. It was very awkward to meet his father about a week or two after I met him.

Being the young cub that I was, I didn't get to play too much, but I still got to play catch and take grounders and whatnot. During one of our games, Lizzie reached over and told me that Tony and Henry were there. I look in the crowd, find Tony, but I didn't see Henry. Instead, I saw his twin brother. They did look a lot alike, but I could definitely tell the difference between Heath* and Henry. Henry was tall and lanky, and Heath was just as tall but a little chubbier, and definitely in the face.

So after the game I walked up to Heath, and he says "Hey babe!" I said, "Hey HEATH, where's Henry?" Then he starts cracking up laughing and asks how I knew it was him. I told him that even though I had only seen Henry once before, I knew what he looked like pretty well. But Heath also had their dad with him, so not only did I meet their father a couple weeks after I met Henry, I also met him without Henry being there.

Once Henry finally got there, we made plans to hang out later that evening after I went home and showered and whatnot. We decided on dinner and a movie. Do you remember my post about Barry* and how I said I was friends with his sister for a while? Well she had texted me while I was getting ready and wanted to hang out. Basically, she wanted to use me and my boyfriend for his car because she wanted to see another guy, Nolan*. All three of us (me, Nolan, and Barry's sister) were under age and couldn't drive, but she wanted to see Nolan that night. Henry was nice enough that he said he didn't mind taking her to the movie, but he just wanted dinner to be just us. I was okay with that.

After dinner, we went and picked up Barry's sister and Nolan, and then headed to the local theater to watch a movie. Mind you, this was my first date with Henry, and I was a little prude. (A lot prude.) Henry and I just sat and watched the movie with Barry's sister and Nolan very loudly made out throughout the entire movie. I felt awkward and apologized to Henry, and he told me not to worry about it, that he actually didn't mind them and that he actually liked that I didn't try that on our first date. I'm pretty sure Nolan even went down her pants in Henry's back seat on the way back. It was gross.

Henry didn't even kiss me as we left, because I told him I didn't want to just yet. He was very respectful in the beginning.

My name is Blake*, and Barry's sister is just as sleazy as Barry...

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent


Nolan comes into play later in my life when I go off to college, and Heath adds a little more to the story while I'm still with Henry.

16. The moment where I get my first real, long-term boyfriend.

If you haven't figured out by now, I'm completely and utterly boy crazy. There's nothing like a good looking guy, a sexy deep voice, or some amazing smelling cologne. I did a lot of my stupid stuff with my previously mentioned friend Lizzie*. Lizzie and I were best friends in high school. Somewhere during the summer between my freshman and sophomore years in high school, she met a couple of guys from a small town across the state. Their names were Tony* and Henry*. If I remember correctly, Henry was initially interested in Lizzie, and Lizzie was interested in Tony. Because she felt bad about it, she asked if I wanted to maybe talk to and meet Henry. She showed him a picture of me and he said he'd like to get to know me. So we got on AIM (does anyone still use that?!) and started talking to each other almost daily. I had a cell phone that I was using, and we exchanged numbers and began talking to each other daily. Henry's voice was deep and sexy. Seriously, a good sounding deep voice will get a guy far!

Henry and I talked so much that I found myself really liking him a lot without ever meeting him. When I would ask Lizzie about him, she would say that he is tall and really nice. (Here's a hint: if your friend can only say he's nice, he's probably not the best looking.)

Before I knew it, summer was ending, and school was starting. Both Tony and Henry were seniors, and so the thought of dating someone older than me was pretty awesome as well!

I'll never forget the night that I met Henry. Lizzie convinced Tony to come to our town for our back to school night, a night where our parents meet our teachers for the semester to establish a good relationship for any future problems. Basically the ones whose parents need to go never do.

Anyways, like normal we had practice right up to when back to school night started. Lizzie and I wore our sweaty practice clothes over to the high school to meet our moms, and she dropped a ball on me:

"Hey Blake, Tony and Henry are going to be here by the way. Just thought you should know."-Lizzie
"WHAT?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!"-me
"Henry wanted to surprise you"-Lizzie

And boy was I ever surprised. See in my mind, sexy voice = mr sexy pants in real life. No no, Henry was tall and lanky and kind of awkward. And he was dressed grungy. Not that I was any better in my sweaty practice clothes, but at least I had an excuse. I was really disappointed when I met him, and tried to hide my disappointment. But I didn't hide it very well. The four of us hung out for a little bit that evening before the boys had to leave to drive home.

Once he got home, Henry called me and we talked about what we wanted to do. Like I said, I didn't hide my disappointment very well, and he told me that I didn't have to continue talking to him. But I knew that even though I was a little disappointed, I still really liked him. He made me laugh all the time, and we very rarely had a lull in conversation. So, me being the un-shallow person that I tried to be, I told him he was crazy. That I still wanted to talk to him and be with him.

I don't exactly remember if that night we decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend, but I do know that it was sometime around then. I know this because his birthday was a couple weeks later, and we did go out for his birthday as a couple.

This is also where the boys will start taking up more than one post at a time. Just wanted to warn you in advance!

My name is Blake, and I genuinely miss having that giddy feeling.


*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent