40. Things aren't always what they seem

You see, what I didn't mention in my two previous posts about James* was that he kind of broke my heart. And by kind of, I mean that everything was going really well between the two of us, but three days before my junior prom, THREE FREAKING DAYS, he told me that he couldn't be with me anymore. Back then, James was 110% serious about playing baseball after high school. He had a friend that had a serious girlfriend, and watched the friend slowly lose sight of his dreams to play baseball after high school. However, I was not the same type of girl as the other girlfriend (I never have been and I never will be). It broke my heart to have him let me go like that, but I told him that I understood...I didn't necessarily like it, but you can't force someone to have feelings for you.

Not to mention, a girl that he cared very deeply for had gotten into a horrific car accident and almost lost her life. They had been friends for a majority of their lives, and there's no way I could compete with their relationship. So I took him to a friend's for them to go to the hospital together, and drove away thinking that was the end of James and I.

After prom, we had about three weeks left of school before we were out for the summer. Those three weeks were agonizing. James still sat at our lunch table every day, so I had to endure being around him 24/7 at school while I still wanted to be with him.
The baseball team made it to the state playoffs that year, and I went halfway across the state to watch them. Unfortunately, the lost in the state finals that year, and I so desperately wanted to walk up to James after the game and let him know that I thought he played well and that I was there for him. But the girl friend of his was there, so I just left quietly and put my feelings aside.

I really wish that I was completely happy during my junior prom, but I knew it was going to be one of my last nights with James. It made me so sad because I was crazy about that kid, but I had to respect him and his feelings. So I made myself miserable to make him happy.

My name is Blake*, and I only thought my heart was broken with Henry*. Sadly, this wasn't the last time I let James break my heart.


*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent. Mostly, I'm the not-so-innocent.