14. A very young start

At the end of the summer of Hugo*, another boy from church caught my attention. It started in a weird way, because he was trying to get me to hang out with his friend when all I wanted was him. I don't exactly know what it was about Barry* that caught my attention. He wasn't super hot, he wasn't super nice. The only thing I can think is that he was kind of a bad boy. He was always getting into some kind of trouble.

Barry had a little sister that was my age. She and I were pretty good friends. We spent a lot of time together both at church and outside of it. She and I had a quick friendship that faded just as quickly as it sparked.

One weekend, she asked me to come stay the night. I went, super excited to be seeing Barry and his younger brother Frank*. Frank was definitely the prettier of the two, but like I said, Barry's bad boy reputation had me on edge.

Most of the evening, the four of us hung out watching music videos and eating pizza.

Then the time came for us to all go to sleep. Naturally, I went to bed in my friend's room. The next thing I know, I'm being woken up by Barry. I then followed him into his room. This was the third boy I had ever kissed. He was a couple years older than I was, and I can tell you, more experience usually does mean better. Now, I didn't lose my virginity at the tender age of 14, but he was also the first boy that I let touch me. I let him touch me wherever he wanted, and didn't think twice about it.

Looking back, it was probably the dumbest thing I could have ever done. That night, he made me believe that he liked me too, only to ignore me for a couple weeks before he started dating a girl who was my best friend. And to this day, not many people know about my late night rendezvous.


My name is Blake*, and sexual contact at a young age is a recipe for disaster.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent


Update on Barry:
Barry and I continued to be friends for a while. There were even a couple more instances throughout high school where he and I would randomly kiss, but nothing more.
Barry got married shortly after high school, just before he left for the military. He is still married and has a kid. But he's sleazy. He got drunk one night and started texting me and was trying to be dirty. It straight up pissed me off, and I put him in his place. He felt bad and apologized, but it still pissed me off.

13. This is where I started my secrecy

Just before I started my freshman year in high school, I was, surprise surprise, crazy about Harry*.

So when Harry asked me to hang out with him and his friend Tim*, I definitely said yes without question.

Little did I know, he had also invited my friend Lizzie* over as well. I was never a big fan of Tim because he had broken a friend's heart, and he was sleazy. However, Harry knew that I wanted him, and  he wanted Lizzie, and he knew that because Lizzie and I were inseparable, he wouldn't be able to hang out with Lizzie without asking me over.

Thus, I got pawned off on Tim.

We got invited out to Tim's parent's house. Even though both Tim and Harry were only 15, they drove is in the family farm truck out to the farthest ends of Tim's land. The four of us watched the sunset and it was beautiful.

I should have known then that it was going to be disaster. Once we drove back to the house, Harry and Tim kind of cornered Lizzie and I into the shed. I. DID. NOT. WANT. THIS. AT. ALL. Tim kind of forced himself on me. I kissed him back, but every time he would try to do more, I would push him off. He kept pressing himself against me, saying, you're so pretty, look what you do to me...I wasn't buying it. Thank goodness my mom called me about 5 minutes into it and said she was about 5 seconds away. The four of us quickly ran out of the shed to meet my mom.

To this day, the four of us are the only ones that know about what went on.

My name is Blake*, and being forced on is shitty.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Update on Tim:

I told you Tim was super sleazy. He ended up getting a girl pregnant while we were in high school, and then is still a deadbeat dad. I don't even know what he's doing now