Wednesday, December 21, 2011

15. I wish I could remember who was the highlight of my freshman year.

Sorry about that writing hiatus there. I let time slip away from me. Back to my story...

I really wish I had more to say about a boy while I was a freshman in high school. I can definitely remember a lot of highlights of the year, but I honestly don't remember too much about any boys. And while I was reading over my previous posts, I realized that I messed up the chronology again. Hugo* and Barry* happened the end of the summer AFTER my freshman year in high school, not the summer BEFORE freshman year.

You know, when you're a freshman, you just worry about trying to keep your head down and go unnoticed by some of the upperclassmen, especially when you play sports. That was me. For the most part. I know for a fact there was one senior boy in particular who I thought was absolutely gorgeous, and a couple of my older teammates found out and told him. I was super embarrassed. His name was Neil*. The only thing I can tell you about Neil is that he was this super skinny boy that played basketball, and that i met up with him again in college. So more on Neil later.

Other than Neil, I honestly don't remember any other boy being a highlight of my freshman year.

Next I will pick up the story after the Barry incident. This is where the boy/sex life starts to get interesting. Stay tuned!

My name is Blake*, and I'm sure there has GOT to be a reason why I've blacked out my first year in high school....

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Monday, November 14, 2011

14. A very young start

At the end of the summer of Hugo*, another boy from church caught my attention. It started in a weird way, because he was trying to get me to hang out with his friend when all I wanted was him. I don't exactly know what it was about Barry* that caught my attention. He wasn't super hot, he wasn't super nice. The only thing I can think is that he was kind of a bad boy. He was always getting into some kind of trouble.

Barry had a little sister that was my age. She and I were pretty good friends. We spent a lot of time together both at church and outside of it. She and I had a quick friendship that faded just as quickly as it sparked.

One weekend, she asked me to come stay the night. I went, super excited to be seeing Barry and his younger brother Frank*. Frank was definitely the prettier of the two, but like I said, Barry's bad boy reputation had me on edge.

Most of the evening, the four of us hung out watching music videos and eating pizza.

Then the time came for us to all go to sleep. Naturally, I went to bed in my friend's room. The next thing I know, I'm being woken up by Barry. I then followed him into his room. This was the third boy I had ever kissed. He was a couple years older than I was, and I can tell you, more experience usually does mean better. Now, I didn't lose my virginity at the tender age of 14, but he was also the first boy that I let touch me. I let him touch me wherever he wanted, and didn't think twice about it.

Looking back, it was probably the dumbest thing I could have ever done. That night, he made me believe that he liked me too, only to ignore me for a couple weeks before he started dating a girl who was my best friend. And to this day, not many people know about my late night rendezvous.

My name is Blake*, and sexual contact at a young age is a recipe for disaster.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Update on Barry:
Barry and I continued to be friends for a while. There were even a couple more instances throughout high school where he and I would randomly kiss, but nothing more.
Barry got married shortly after high school, just before he left for the military. He is still married and has a kid. But he's sleazy. He got drunk one night and started texting me and was trying to be dirty. It straight up pissed me off, and I put him in his place. He felt bad and apologized, but it still pissed me off.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

13. This is where I started my secrecy

Just before I started my freshman year in high school, I was, surprise surprise, crazy about Harry*.

So when Harry asked me to hang out with him and his friend Tim*, I definitely said yes without question.
Little did I know, he had also invited my friend Lizzie* over as well. I was never a big fan of Tim because he had broken a friend's heart, and he was sleazy. However, Harry knew that I wanted him, and  he wanted Lizzie, and he knew that because Lizzie and I were inseparable, he wouldn't be able to hang out with Lizzie without asking me over.

Thus, I got pawned off on Tim.

We got invited out to Tim's parent's house. Even though both Tim and Harry were only 15, they drove is in the family farm truck out to the farthest ends of Tim's land. The four of us watched the sunset and it was beautiful.

I should have known then that it was going to be disaster. Once we drove back to the house, Harry and Tim kind of cornered Lizzie and I into the shed. I. DID. NOT. WANT. THIS. AT. ALL. Tim kind of forced himself on me. I kissed him back, but every time he would try to do more, I would push him off. He kept pressing himself against me, saying, you're so pretty, look what you do to me...I wasn't buying it. Thank goodness my mom called me about 5 minutes into it and said she was about 5 seconds away. The four of us quickly ran out of the shed to meet my mom.

To this day, the four of us are the only ones that know about what went on.

My name is Blake*, and being forced on is shitty.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Update on Tim:
I told you Tim was super sleazy. He ended up getting a girl pregnant while we were in high school, and then is still a deadbeat dad. I don't even know what he's doing now

Monday, October 24, 2011

12. I already messed it up.

Last night, I realized I forgot to embellish more on Floyd's* story. I was so excited to talk about Hugo* and how amazingly beautiful he was that I completely skipped over Floyd. Floyd and I continued to be really good friends throughout all of junior high. We played the same sports, we went to the same church, and we were even on the academic team together (no no, nothing like Keith's* story).

In my last year of junior high, just before Keith and I started, there was Floyd. Now if you remember, Floyd was the nice friend that consoled me when my heart was first broken at an elementary dance. I think that's why I always (and still to this day) had deep respect for him.

It happened during basketball season. We were hanging out at my friend Hillary's house after school waiting for the bus to cart us off to our game. I was definitely that girl that wouldn't do anything without peer pressure when I was in junior high. So when all of my friends started making out with their boy of choice (I promise my small town does have morals!), I caved and kissed Floyd. There wasn't anything magical about it. Also if I remember correctly, we convinced him to flash us. We only looked though. Even though I was kissing like it was going out of style, I was very prude at that age.

Sadly, nothing came out of kissing Floyd. It really was like kissing my brother.

Floyd is actually still a part of my life right now, but as nothing more than friends. He pops in and out of it randomly, but when he's in it, he provides some great stories. So I won't close the Floyd chapter just yet.

My name is Blake*, and I seriously giggled a little bit when I typed "we convinced him to flash us." Because I almost wrote "we convinced him to show us his pee pee." (I'm still twelve. It's fine.)

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

I promise I'll get it right from here on out.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

11. High school is traumatic

When I last posted almost three weeks ago (so sorry for the interruption, life happened), I had just finished up my story about Keith*. Keith and I continued to attend church together during the summer, although I am afraid we were never as civil to each other as before. That's expected when your heart gets broken.

That summer, I met the cutest little Latin boy named Hugo*. I met Hugo while I was at church camp, and it was an unexpected meet. I was walking around the campus and he randomly said something while looking my way, but he was not speaking directly to me. It was super loud and I mistakenly thought he was speaking to me. so I stopped him to see what it was he said, and we just hit it off. I met him 3 days before the last day of camp, and we spent all three days with each other as much as possible. He was a beautiful boy.

He came and ate lunches and dinners at my cabin, which just so happened to be right next door to his cabin. We would spend all our free time together, where he would come with me to watch my church play the various sports we participated in. We would spend time with each other immediately after the evening service.

That summer, the camp had a fireworks display on the last night. Of course we watched them together. He had his arm around me the whole time and toward the end he kissed my forehead. It was so cute :)

We exchanged numbers, and he and I talked to each other every day. He told me I was one of the most beautiful people he had ever met all the time. Unfortunately, we lived about two hours away from each other, and neither of us were old enough to drive. We relied on phones and parents.

I saw Hugo one more time before I lost touch with him. Toward the end of the summer, his parents drove him to my town for a weekend, and he stayed with my grandparents at night while I went home. He dealt with hanging out with my brothers while I would go to my practices every day. The weekend ended way too soon, and before I knew it, we were dropping him back off at the meet up.

I think I heard from Hugo maybe three more times before we lost touch. I don't know who stopped calling who, but he just kind of fell off the map. Then another boy caught my attention just before school started.

My name is Blake*, and Latin lovers are seriously the most beautiful boys ever.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

I don't have anything to update about Hugo, I have no idea where he is or how he is doing.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

10. New school year, new boys

I finally realized that things were going nowhere fast between me and Harry*. I wish I could say that I finally gave him the boot, but I continued to want him for a very long time.

However, I started 8th grade top dog at my junior high, while he went to being a low freshman in high school. Eighth grade was a crazy year of boys. It started with my obsession with Harry, then I moved to an obsession with a kid named Keith*. Keith and I also went to church together. We both played basketball. We were both on the academic team for the junior high. Oh, and Keith also happened to be the junior high principal's son. Should have known it would be trouble.

The funny thing about our academic team trips is that we would always go to whatever school, dominate the competition, get something to eat, and then head home. This is where we got into trouble. A bunch of the kids in band were also on the academic team, and the rumors you hear about band kids are totally true. All of us older people would sit in the back, and 4 of the band kids would pair off and start making out. IN EIGHTH GRADE. Well, one of the couples put me and Keith in the same seat. We were both prude, so we just sat and talked while making out noises were going on around us.

At one point, Keith asked if he could hold my hand. I thought it was so cute. The next thing I know, Keith is my boyfriend, and continued to be my boyfriend up until that summer. He even bought me a Valentine's Day bear (which I found last weekend while I was cleaning out old boxes).

I honestly don't remember why we broke up. I just know we did, and I made him cry. I broke someone's heart shortly after mine was broken at a young and tender age.

Keith was a year younger than me, so when I went to high school, my obsession with Harry started right back up.

My name is Blake*, and seriously don't ever break someone's heart. You feel like a jerk.


*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

There's a little more to Keith's story, so stay tuned!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

9. Crazy over one boy for far too long

I've learned that most junior high and high school boys will pay attention to whichever girl is convenient during the summer months. I wish I could say that Harry* was different than most boys, but if he were, I'd still be with him to this day.

Harry and I had attended church together for quite some time at this point, and I was one of the few girls that went to church on a regular basis. We also spent a lot of time outside of church together, hanging out at his house, going to movies, and just enjoying each other's company.

We also went to church camp together that summer. The problem with going to church camp is that I was no longer convenient for him. I can't tell you how many numbers he got during the week that we were at camp. He was the only one I wanted to talk to, so I didn't even attempt to get other guys' numbers.

He stayed in touch with one girl in particular for a while after we got back. Just before school started, he stopped talking to me completely. And it's because he was going into high school, and I was still stuck in junior high. He broke my heart. And it wouldn't be the last time he did either. (There is STILL more to Harry's story.)


My name is Blake*, and you should NEVER give someone the opportunity to break your heart more than once.


*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

8. There is more to junior high romance than what there may seem.

It took me all of about 4 months to realize that there was no way I was going to be able to make a move on Nathan*. So instead, I let another boy catch my attention...

Enter Bane*. Bane and I became friends through a mutual friend. She lived down the road from him, and she and I were best friends. The guy and I played basketball together, and at one point Bane and I hit it off really well. Now, I know what you're thinking, getting involved with a best friend's friend is just a recipe for disaster. It surprisingly wasn't.

About halfway through the year, Bane and I started hanging out regularly. We quickly exchanged numbers and began hanging out on an almost regular basis. Bane was the first person I ever kissed. I don't want to spill too much about it, just know that it was sloppy and awkward, just how first kisses usually are.

When Bane and I finally broke up, it was messy and ugly. I broke his heart. I don't know why, but after about three months, I just didn't want to be his girlfriend anymore. He cried a lot. I just couldn't keep my mind off of Harry*. Even though Harry still never payed me much attention, he was still everything I wanted. Summer after seventh grade year, we finally started talking to each other on a regular basis.

My name is Blake*, and first break ups are always the worst.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Update on Bane:
Bane and I went to high school together. He and I never really spoke much more throughout high school, and we have since lost touch with each other. I have no idea what's going on with his life currently....

Sunday, September 25, 2011

7. Seventh grade saw another first...

So in seventh grade, I started off the year still madly in love with Harry. At the beginning of the school year, a very cute boy named Nathan* caught my attention. Nathan was unfortunately forbidden because of his race....yes my family was very racist. I won't share which ethnicity he was, but just know that there are about 5 races within my family that would be unacceptable for me to date. Instead, I spent a good amount of time shamelessly flirting with him in the hallways.

Nathan was super cute. He was a star athlete in two of the three sports he played, and had no problem letting everyone know he wanted to be with me. Because he was such a friendly and outgoing guy, he was also a pretty likable guy. Hardly anyone disliked him.

The only bad part of Nathan's story is that I was never given any kind of chance whatsoever to see if there could have been any kind of future between the two of us.

So what was my first in seventh grade? The first first was a forbidden love. As nice as Nathan was, dating him would have been completely out of the question.

The next first is a story for another day . . .

My name is Blake*, and thankfully my family has overcome their racism.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Update on Nathan:
Nathan moved away from my school after his freshman year in high school (he was a year older than me). He went to an in-state school, where he met a pretty lady and they now have a kid together. We recently reconnected via my favorite social networking site, and he's still just as attractive as ever. I'm just not trying to have any baby mama drama.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

6. Sixth numbered post to correspond with sixth grade, how convenient.

I left you last night with the story of Noah* and I. Noah took up almost all of my fifth grade year, and I went into the summer between 5th and 6th grade excited for the upcoming school year. I was allowed to start attending the youth group at my church, and there was a boy going into 7th grade that I was IN LOVE with, Harry*. Harry and his family had been a member of the church longer than I have, but something about an older boy just got me.

I began to start doing things I thought Harry would think is cool just to hopefully get his attention. I even started pushing myself to lift heavier weights in our summer weight lifting program just in the hopes that he would think I was cool.

The downfall of that summer was that I didn't get to go to church camp with our youth group. Harry came back with about 3 or 4 numbers of girls he had met that week. My hopes were crushed slightly, but I hoped that he would come around and see that we were meant to be together (ohhh how DUMB I was when I was a kid!)

I went into 6th grade still utterly in love with Harry, but it went nowhere fast. We hung out with a lot of the same people because we both played sports, but that was about it.

Honestly, I can't remember if I had a "boyfriend" at all that year. Even though Harry never made it to that point, he was my obsession for many years, so you can bet that he is still a part of this story!

My name is Blake*, and talking about all these boys I was "in love with" in junior high is ridiculous.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Monday, September 12, 2011

5. We all have our various firsts.

In my last actual post, I talked to you about Fred*. I also said that I would share more about Fred the next day. Well, Fred kind of disappeared for a while. Not really disappeared, but he wasn't as prominent in my life until later, once we were in junior high. Then he disappeared again until high school. And then again until a couple years after I graduated from high school. But I'm trying to tell you this in chronological order, so we'll re-visit Fred when the time becomes appropriate.

Fast forward to fifth grade. FIFTH GRADE PEOPLE. What was my first firsts in 5th grade? We'll get to that.

Summer before my fifth grade year, a mom of one of the boys in my grade asked if I would help her babysit her youngest son Jackson*. She offered to pay me $5 an hour (in 5th grade that's a lot of money!). Of course, I spent a lot of time hanging out at her house, which caused Noah* and I to accidentally start "going out." (Don't ask me why fifth graders tell their parents they're going out with someone. They really aren't going out anywhere except maybe to the playground during recess....ahhh innocence.) Noah and I hung out all the time, and his mom started giving him extra allowance because he would help me babysit Jackson. Noah and I went to elementary football games together (where he would play and I'd be there to hug him afterwards), we would go to our basketball games together (where we both played), and we would even go to the high school football games together. All of this driven by our parents of course.

Everything was great between Noah and I. We never kissed, we never said the L word. I mean we were like 8 (okay maybe 10, but you get the idea), and still pretty innocent.

Then the school's spring dance came up and my world was shattered. For some reason, Noah broke up with me. Not only at the dance, but he also danced with other girls in front of me. ON TOP OF THAT, his mom was a sponsor for the dance. I cried in the bathroom. His mom came in and said "Blake,* you're too pretty to cry over him. Stop crying, clean yourself up, and march right out there and tell him you're better than him and there are plenty of other fish in the sea." HIS MOM TOLD ME TO TELL HIM THAT. So I did. And he and his circle of friends laughed at me, and I was more upset, but I didn't let him see me cry anymore that night.

One of his best friends Floyd* was nice enough to dance with me for the remainder of the evening.

Floyd also continues in this story as well, so you'll get to hear more about Floyd.

So what were my firsts in 5th grade?

  • First time the M word was thrown into the mix (marriage, eww it makes me shudder now)--his mom would tell my mom all the time, IN FRONT OF ME, that she wanted me and Noah to get married so we would have smart babies.

  • First time my heart was broken, but it definitely wouldn't be the last...

My name is Blake*, and I'm telling you to never give your heart away at a young age because boys are dumb.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Update on the boys in this entry:

Noah and I no longer ran around in the same circles past junior high. He stopped playing sports, and got into some recreational drug use in high school. The boy was pretty freakin' smart, but he wasted his intelligence and went to a local community college. He didn't finish school, and I believe he now works for his dad's construction business. It was seriously a waste of talent. THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD NOT DO DRUGS!

Monday, September 5, 2011

An ode to a good man, may he rest in peace.

About a week ago, I had a family tragedy. My grandpa passed away with a heart attack. I've been numb to emotions and feelings all week, but I'm attempting to get back into a state of normalcy.

The chronicles of a self-proclaimed skank will re-commence beginning tomorrow; for now all I need to do is sleep. I've slept all day but it's not enough.

My name is Blake*, and I'm reminding you to tell people you love them before it's too late.

Friday, August 26, 2011

sorry for bailing already guys...

three words for tonight and tomorrow:


Therefore, I will not be doing my usual blogging. I will check back in on Sunday!
(This is also beneficial for you all, as I will have more stories when we get to real time)

Have a great weekend! :)
You know I will!

My name is Blake*, and this is the life I lead.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

4. Return of testosterone!

If I remember correctly, I left off with heading back to the other end of the state.

I started off second grade halfway through the school year right back at my old school. Of course because I had been gone a year and a half, no one remembered me and I got a lot of attention. Even from the baby second graders. I think I found Jordan* again, but he didn't remember me. I got a lot of attention from a boy named Zeke*. He gave me an extra treat in my Valentine's box at our Valentine's Day party. Even though I was terribly boy crazy, I somehow learned that boys had cooties at this point and hated the attention.

It's funny how a school year and a summer can change your way of thinking. We're skipping over third grade because nothing eventful happened and moving on to the fourth grade. Enter Fred*. Fred was THE BOY that every girl wanted to be her boyfriend, and every girl was. When Fred asked me to be his girlfriend, I was going to be girlfriend #4. I told my mom about it, and she told me I could be his girlfriend (WHAT WAS SHE THINKING?!) but he had to break up with girlfriends #1-3 before I could. So I told him. And he did. Mom loved this kid (and still does to this day). He lived in our neighborhood and would frequently come over for dinner. His dad would whistle for him when it was time to come home, and he would be over at my house before I woke up on Saturdays. I remember thinking that one of my friends, Lizzie*, was jealous of us because she was one of the other girlfriends. She probably wasn't, but it was still cool to think that I had the IT boyfriend.

I think that's enough about Fred for today. He's a fun story and I've got plenty more to share for tomorrow.

My name is Blake*, and I'm such a skank that I was a home wrecker long before I knew such things existed.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Update on the boys in this entry:
Zeke and I also went to school together until we graduated. About 2 years after we graduated, he began to date a girl who moved to a different state when we were in fourth grade. They are now married and have a very beautiful daughter.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

3. Back to the cousin and XY love thing

You know, I really wish that I could remember anything about my time on the other side of the state. We were only there for a year and a half, and I have vague flashbacks about my time spent there. But one thing I do remember is that no matter where we went, my cousin's boyfriend was always with us. And he was always bringing his brother(?) with him to hang out with me.

We would go fishin' for crawdads all the time. They'd hang out at my grandparents' house with me and her. They'd go with us up to the convenience store almost every day. They'd walk us home from school.

I can't remember either of their names, or what they looked like, I just remember them being there.

I say my cousins helped feed my addiction for the XY chromosome because they were just as boy crazy as I was. Both of them had their first child around the age of 15; one is 2 years older than me and the other is 5 years older.

I probably would have been headed down the same path if mom had not come to the rescue and said she was moving us back to the other side of the state to be with her side of the family. For that, I am forever grateful. I do not have any children (had some scares here and there though) and have completed my college education.

We'll return to the boys tomorrow.

My name is Blake*, and I thank God almost every day that I didn't have children at a young age. And that's the honest-to-God truth. Those babies would have had a terrible life being poor.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

2. At this point, Mom knew she was in for trouble.

I love guys. I love (almost) everything about them. I love the way they can chill and relax. I love that they can take 10 minutes to get ready and look amazing. I love that they like to show off to impress us girls (as long as it doesn't get out of hand). I absolutely love the way they smell.

When did I first start loving the opposite sex? At the age of 4. No seriously. I was a strange child and wanted to learn everything at a very young age. I got enrolled into a local pre-school at 4 years old, and had my first boyfriend within a month of being there. His name was Jordan*, and Jordan and I actually went to school together through high school. Oh how I LOVED Jordan! It was always Jordan this, and Jordan that, and Mom, Jordan and I got married today. Only I couldn't pronounce my R's very well so it was actually Mom, Jowdan and I got mawwied today.

To say I was boy crazy at that young age is putting it lightly. I became obsessed. Jordan and I finished out pre-school, but I don't think we were in the same kindergarten class. If we were, my attention swiftly changed to Toby*. Toby was the most beautiful boy I had ever laid eyes on (at the age of 5). He was super tall for a five year old, beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes, and was impressed that I could read in kindergarten. He even let me read to him a couple times (you know that's love right there!) Ahh...I forgot about Toby.

All this happened before my parents' divorce, and soon after my kindergarten year, we were uprooted to the other side of the state to be near my father's family.

Little did I know, my cousins there would feed into my XY chromosome addiction...

My name is Blake*, and I've loved testosterone since I could tell a difference between a boy and a girl (get your minds out of the gutter people!)


*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Update on the boys in this entry:
Jordan and I were pretty good friends in high school. We hung out with the same crowd and went to a lot of functions together. He now has a kid, and I think he is still together with his baby mama. We don't hear from him too much these days.

I lost contact with Toby after I moved away, and actually didn't think of him until I wrote this.

Monday, August 22, 2011

1. It all has to start somewhere

Any woman who has similar stories to mine can pinpoint the instant that their life as what society would deem a "skank" began. This is the very beginning of the beginning. I honestly have more than one event that damaged my self-esteem quite a bit, but I fought back and am one of the strongest women you will meet today. (I'd almost have to be to throw my life out there for all the world to read.)

There are also many women just like me that will deny to your face all day long where her issues started: we've all got daddy issues. Ask me this in person, and I might call you a liar. If you catch me on a good day, I'll admit I have a little bit of it, but I'll use the bigger term and say I have a little bit of trust issues.

My parents separated and divorced when I was around 10. I was a daddy's girl to the core. I have three siblings, and we got to still visit him frequently after the divorce. He lived on the other end of the state, so we would drive half way to meet him to spend the weekend with him. When I was little, I didn't know it, and I didn't understand it, but he just stopped showing up. Our mother protected us from this knowledge, and instead began to busy us in sports. We played every sport and began to have tournaments and games almost every weekend. I guess he showed up randomly a couple weekends and called to bitch out  my mom for "keeping us from him." But to her, he had abandoned us and she didn't want to spend time and money driving half way across the state for us to sit for a few hours and he never show. The courts mandated what times we were supposed to meet, and mom always gave him extra time.

When I was little, I didn't really understand that we were being left by my dad. I remember being a little brainwashed by my father about us not seeing him, he would say that my mom was keeping us from him.

I also learned way later in life (after I had gone to college) that what I thought was a whole month of getting to spend time with my father was actually him refusing to bring us back. So I was also kidnapped by my own father. No worries though, mom came to the rescue.

My father's name is Justin*, and he's the one who helped me begin to have trust issues with every guy from here on out.

My name is Blake* and this is the beginning of my downfall into a self-proclaimed skank.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Sunday, August 21, 2011

As I delve into a world of anonymity

You may be reading this and wondering what in the world "sps" means.

Let me start from the beginning.

I had a recent nasty break up in which I was trying to nicely end it with a very nice boy, but who was a boy that just wasn't for me. He didn't get it, and then psychotically tried to get me to stay.

After the immature text conversation wrapped up, I realized that he was one of many psychotic boys that have popped in and out of my life. I have read many real-life blogs about the crazy stories of anonymous people's dating and sex lives, and decided I might want to write a book. While writing a book is good in theory, there is no way to guarantee that it will ever see print or become mainstream. So what did I decide to do? I decided to create a blog.

For the sanity of me, my family, my friends, and the unlucky guys to be featured here, all the names you read about have been changed. First off, I don't like admitting that this many guys have been a part of my life. Second, I wouldn't want to talk about this in church so I sure as hell don't want my family to read it and know it's me. And third, I know there are more than a couple guys I will be writing about would have a bitch fit over me using their real names. I will give you as much of the story as I can without giving so many details as to who these people are, where I write from, or how you can locate them (I'm sure there are some tech people out there who can figure this all out.)
So I'm basically giving you the full story with the acute details fudged a little bit.

I must warn you, what I write will be real. What I write is a part of my past. It may shock you how a girl can be this bad. Feel free to read and comment, but just know that personally attacking me will piss me off, and I may just go all crazy on you for being a douche. Consider yourself warned.

I marked this as "adult content" because I do cuss quite a bit and it will eventually talk about sex. Didn't want any kiddies stumbling across my site with that stuff out there.

So what does "sps" mean? Self-Proclaimed Skank.
I figure if I can call myself that, it won't piss me off when people say I'm skanky or slutty.
My name is Blake* and these are my crazy stories. I hope you enjoy them and learn something from them.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent.