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Sunday, February 26, 2012

22. The day I became a woman (at too young an age)

I should have known that the random fighting for no reason would eventually ruin Henry* and I. No one should argue as much as we did, especially at the ages of 18 and 16. What did we have to be unhappy about?

After Valentine's Day, I started feeling like we needed to break up. I couldn't exactly explain why, I just felt like it needed to happen. I think he could sense that I felt that way, and started to be super nice and sweet to me. It reminded me of how our relationship was in the beginning.

March 7th is a day that will go down in infamy in the history of Blake*.
It was a Saturday, and we made our usual date plans to go and get dinner and a movie. Henry's parents were separated, and one of them was out of town for the entire weekend. We made plans all week that this would be the night we finally had sex. At that point, I was the only one of my friends still holding on to my virginity, Lizzie* and Tony* had been having sex for a couple months. They even asked me multiple times why I hadn't "given it up yet."

We actually went to a local steakhouse, where he splurged more money on me. I'm sure it was all in the effort to prove to me that he did love me (we had been saying "I love you" for a couple weeks at that point), and that all the fighting wasn't going to break us apart. While we were out to dinner, I was so nervous about what was coming that I convinced him to skip the movie so we could just go back to his parent's place an "get it overwith." Luckily he didn't take offense to that because he knew how nervous I was. Heath* knew what was going on, so he stayed away from the house until way later in the evening.

I wish I could say that it was magical and I loved it. But first time sex is awful and horrible. I was so nervous that I had a hard time...preparing for it all, and he finally helped me out. As soon as he was inside me, I started crying. NOTHING can prepare you for the first time you have sex. I had been told by lots of people that it hurt the first time, but I just had no idea how bad it would hurt. Because I was crying, he asked if I wanted to stop. I told him no, that I just wanted to get it over with. He felt bad that he was making me cry so he stopped. I literally curled up in a ball on his bed and laid there for a while. Henry kept asking what he could do to make me feel better. Nothing could have helped.

Later on in the night, we got into the hot tub to try to relax. We were attempting to try again in the hot tub, but it was just too painful for me. It was while we were out in the hot tub that Henry's brother Heath came home with his girlfriend. He came out, yelled "I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!" And ran back inside the house. Henry and I decided that having sex that night was a lost cause, so we got out of the hot tub and went inside. I then returned home later that night and acted as if nothing happened.

My name is Blake, and I lost my virginity at the age of 16. I thought I was old enough to deal with everything that meant, but looking back on it I know I was entirely WAY too young to have sex then. I hope that if ANY 16 year old girls are reading this, they will listen to me when I say HOLD ON TO IT FOR A WHILE LONGER! It will be worth it eventually. I promise.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

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