Thursday, March 29, 2012

34. Back to school, back to normal seeing time

James* and I returned to school in January, and I was super excited to be able to see him almost every day. I enjoyed the little half hugs between classes in the hallways, holding hands when sitting next to each other at lunch, sneaking glances at each other during conversations, and spending time between school and games together. I really liked this kid a lot, but it was hard for me to want to like him so much. The only other real relationship I had had at that point was with Henry. And as you could tell, it wasn't a very healthy relationship. Because of that unhealthy relationship, I was afraid to let myself care that much about someone ever again.

James' birthday was midway through January. He and i hardly ever went on dates, but I convinced him to go on a date with me to the dollar theater in town. I picked what I thought would be a short movie, but it ended up being almost three hours long. I was so afraid we were going to get in trouble for being out so was only his 15th birthday, after all. (I had just turned 17 a few months before, so I promise it wasn't as bad as it sounds!)

Immediately after the movie, we called his parents to let them know that we had just finished the movie. His dad understood, he had seen the movie before and knew how long it was going to be. We just had to head straight home since it was a little after midnight. It was no problem for me.

At this point, James and I had been together for a little over two months. We held hands all throughout the three hour movie, and he finally gave me a little kiss on the lips right at the end of the movie. To me, it was the sweetest gesture in the world.

I counted that night as our first date. Even though it was for a cheap movie, he paid, bought dinner, and bought us snacks. He finally admitted to me that he kinda liked me that night as well.

My name is Blake*, and first dates are always memorable, no matter how many you go on.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

33. A little downtime to prove my like.

I can't exactly remember if the following events occurred before or after NYE, but I know this is when James* and I started to be a little more serious.

You see, even though James told me that he liked me often, it took a while for it to get that way.

One night, I convinced him to go with me to Fiona's* neighbor's house and hang out with a bunch of the guys and girls from the basketball teams. He played street ball with one of the guys for a couple hours while each of us girls got all mushy over each of the guys there (we were perfectly paired off). A couple of the guys were cute, but I only had eyes for James.

Eventually the boys stopped playing ball, and we all headed inside to watch some movies. Two couples headed to the bedrooms to do what they do, and me, James, and one other couple stayed inside. I wanted so badly to just kiss James, but he wouldn't have it. I tried EVERYTHING to kiss him, and he just didn't want to be having a public display there in front of God and everybody. Eventually I just gave up and we sat in the recliner together to watch who knows what movie.

Eventually his mom called and told him he needed to be home. While we were on our way home, he told me he wanted to spend more time with me. So I drove him home, and he told me to drive down the street just a little bit, and he'd put his mom in her bedroom then come get me. So I did what he said. I was in serious like with this young cub, and would have stolen the moon for him if he asked me to.

I wish I could say that he and I actually ended up kissing all that night, but it just wasn't his style. Instead, he was just super sweet the whole night  and held me...he was also obsessed with the song "Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts at the time, so it played on repeat throughout the whole night.

We laid in his bed talking for hours, and he held me, kissed me on the forehead, and held my hand all night. It was beautiful.

About 4 a.m. rolled around, and I told him I was sooooooo tired and that it was going to suck ass trying to drive back to my house. His mom was also going to be waking up in the next 30 minutes - hour and we didn't want to cause problems with her.

He walked me to my car, and I drove on a cloud the whole way home. I knew I was headed for trouble and I was running into the wall of love hoping for a concussion.

My name is Blake*, and I can't listen to Bless the Broken Road without thinking of that night. It forever changed me.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

32. My first super drunken NYE with good friends

James* and I surprisingly hit it off really well. I don't know what it was about us, but the chemistry was there from the first time I told him I thought he was cute. I loved spending time with him before and after practices and games almost every day. We didn't really do anything but sit around watching sports on TV, but we got along really well.

We were together about three weeks before Christmas break hit. That first Christmas break was when I found out how hard Christmas was for him. I found out that his grandpa had passed away on a Christmas Eve, and he had also been broken up with on a Christmas Eve. So I just sent him a text message that wished him well and told him that I was thinking about him all day and that I would be there if he needed me. I didn't see him at all that break.

New Years Eve came along, and I decided to spend it with my teammate Fiona*. She and I broke into her parents' liquor cabinet and sneaked a drink before we had our other teammate's brother come pick us up. The five of us acted like jackasses walking around the country sipping on vodka and Coke like it was the best tasting shit in the world. And it was a fun ass time.

James didn't drink. He hated when I was drinking too, so I tried to stay away from my phone and him all throughout the night. He was at a church lock in with his oldest brother Tommy*, and toward the end of the night he called me. It made my night. I was so happy to hear from him, and he told me that he was having a lot of fun but he really missed me. And that these girls were hitting on him so he wanted a picture of me to show them who his beautiful girlfriend was. Talk about a sweetheart.

Fiona was dating a boy named Landon*. The problem was, Fiona's parents didn't like them dating. So in order for Fiona and Landon to be able to talk to each other, the used my phone. So I used Fiona's phone to talk to James, and Fiona used my phone to talk to Landon. It was a night of deceit and I loved every second of it.

Other than talking to James for a little bit, that was about the extent of the excitement of my New Years Eve for my junior year in high school.

My name is Blake*, and NYE is a kick ass time as long as you have amazing people to spend it with.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Update on the boys in this entry:
This is just the beginning of the long and complicated relationship between James and I.

Surprisingly, you'll get to hear more about Landon in the future :)

Monday, March 26, 2012

31. Meet my high school sweetheart

After I got done wasting time with Fraser, I began to focus my attention on James*. James was a couple years younger than I was, and we both played basketball together. Me and my friend Haley* both noticed James the first day of school. We looked at our other girl friends and said "DAMN! When did James get HOTT?! What happened to the little chubby kid that used to play baseball?!" And yes, he was very hot. He had slimmed up over the summer and his hair got lighter with the sun and his eyes were just as beautifully blue as before. James and I first started talking to each other every now and then just as friends, and then once basketball season started we talked more and more.

At first he was with some other girl, but they were just "talking" know how high school romance goes. First you're "talking," then you're "together"...DUMB. Anyways, so he and this other girl were "talking," and then somehow after the second week of basketball games, he and her were no longer talking and he and I exchanged numbers and were talking and/or texting almost every single night.

I'm not exactly sure when we decided we were "together," but the next thing I knew we were spending quite a bit of time together.

James' story is a very long and complicated one, so I just wanted to introduce you to him for today. Stay tuned!

My name is Blake*, and I would have never thought I would let someone my brother's age sweep me off my feet.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

30. Not as much Fraser as I thought.

Like I said in my last post, Fraser* was a bad boy. And him being a bad boy made him sexier than ever. His bike made him hot, and his ice blue eyes made him dead sexy. Fraser and I started hanging out just about every weekend, and even a couple times during the week. He would come and meet me after my softball games, and sometimes I would go meet him after my games.

Fraser and I had a lot of fun together. It was all carefree, and most of the time we would just sit around and have a few drinks with his buddies. Me and my friends hung out there almost every weekend, and 9 times out of 10 all my friends would get drunk while I was being a designated driver for them all.

I was also very naive as a high school student, and there was even one weekend where Fraser's friend was rolling a couple joints right in front of us (not smoking them), and I was the only one who had no idea what the hell was going on. Fraser and his buddies apparently were into some recreational drug use because this wasn't the first time they brought the stuff around new people. Fraser never got high in front of me, but he did smoke his cigarettes.

I surprisingly thought that I had a lot more to say about Fraser but it seems like I don't. So here's the breakup:

About three weeks before we broke up, Fraser got into a TERRIBLE accident on his bike. He was taken to the hospital where he had road rash all over his forearms and upper body. While he was in the hospital, he asked his roommate to call me and ask me to come up there. So I went to the hospital, where both of his parents were. They shook my hand and said "You're Blake*? He's been asking for you for hours. Go ahead and go back there." It kind of freaked me out because we had only been together for a couple months and I thought it was weird he wanted to see me when there was a good chance he could have died. Especially because we hadn't had sex at that point. Luckily he had his helmet on and it didn't break his neck.

I went over to his house almost every day to kind of take care of him. I helped change his sheets and bandages, and made sure he took his medicines and ate. After a couple weeks, he felt a little better. I was over one weekend when he talked me into having sex with him. He was kind of short, and he was pretty big for how little he was, if you get what I'm saying. It hurt, but it wasn't awful like my first time where I cried in the middle of it. The next night, I came over, and  he had over-medicated himself. When I walked into his room, he looked at his roommate and said "What the hell is SHE doing here. WHERE'S SARAH*?!" I had no idea who Sarah was, but the roommate told me it was this other girl he liked. Okay, thanks asshole.

Three days later, he broke up with me. No real explanation, but I definitely felt like he used me for sex then said peace. Jerk. So that was the end of Fraser.

My name is Blake, and like I've said before, sex changes EVERYTHING.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Update on Fraser:
I actually saw him one more time before I lost contact with him. I think it was near the end of my senior year in high school, when I was happily in a relationship (Fraser and I happened at the beginning of my junior year). He and I just hung out at a local ice cream shop and got sodas and talked a little bit. I don't know that I ever tried to contact him again, but after that afternoon getting drinks, I never heard from him again.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

29. The beginning of a little longer short-lived fling

In my excitement to get to the story about James*, I almost forgot about Fraser*. AHHHH FRASER. Honestly, Fraser was BAD NEWS. I met Fraser when some friends and I headed into town one weekend. There was one specific avenue that lots of people would cruise down and show off their pimped out rides and motorcycles. Fraser was definitely a motorcycle guy. My friends and I had stopped for some drinks at one of the gas stations along the road, and Fraser and his buddies were in the parking lot. As we were walking back to our car, they cat called at us. We, being the 16/17/18 year old girls that we were giggled and hurriedly went back to our cars. We thought that would be the end of that. No no. Instead, the guys gave us about a half a block head start before they started riding after us, Fraser on his bike and the other guys in the truck.

We cruised up and down the road a few times before we stopped back at the gas station to fill up before we headed back home. Apparently they had been cruising behind us a majority of the night and followed us to the gas station again. Fraser came up to me and asked if I wanted to go for a ride with him. I respectfully declined, and told him that if he wanted to take me for a ride, he'd meet me at the same place next week.

A week went by, and me and my girls headed back out to drive again (you can definitely tell gas was much cheaper then...). We didn't think we'd see them again, but sure enough, Fraser was there like he promised. And like I promised, I went for a ride with him. I made him give me his helmet, and off we went. He had taken my friend Haley* on a ride the week before. While we were out on our little ride, he and I stopped at one point and just talked for a little bit. He told me that while he enjoyed meeting all of us, he really liked that I didn't just hop on his bike ride away and made him wait a week. We then headed back to my friends, and they actually kind of got mad for how long we were away....needless to say, Fraser and I exchanged numbers before I headed home. Fraser called me by the end of the night it was fantastic. He was so sexy, and he had a bike. This was the first "bad boy" that I had ever been infatuated with.

Well now that you know the background of how Fraser and I met, I'll leave him be for now. Even though Fraser was pretty short-lived, he was a lot of fun and the three months we were together were pretty fun too! (Until the end, obviously.)

Stay tuned for more about Fraser!

My name is Blake*, and why do all women love a bad boy?!

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

28. Short lived flings

After my break up with Henry*, I did hang out with one guy for a couple weeks during the summer. I met him at one of my softball tournaments, but it wasn't anything to get excited over.

Junior year started a year of uncertainty for me. I was really contemplating quitting softball, and it didn't help that Henry and I were still talking to each other every now and then. But then, the third day of school, I noticed a cute boy. Enter Forest*. Forest was the new guy in town, so of course he had everyone's attention. I don't really know how Forest and I ended up talking, but we exchanged numbers and soon began text messaging each other constantly. He and I went on one date that lasted a good majority of the day. We went to the mall and window shopped, and then went to a drive-in movie. We jokingly got into a fight and turned our backs to each other (while laying down). Next thing I know, we're both waking up and seriously being like WHY DID YOU LET ME FALL ASLEEP?!

However, as quickly as our infatuation started, it ended just as quickly. He told me that I was way too clingy and obsessive and texted and called way too much...ummm okay. That's cool. I just kinda let it roll off my shoulders and said whatever to it, we had just started hanging out so it wasn't that big of a deal to me.

Plus there was a cute freshman (James*) that I had been looking at from pretty much the first day of school, because when he was a kid, he was cute. But then he got into high school and started growing in height, and he was HOT. But James is another story that's going to take up multiple posts :) stay tuned!

My name is Blake*, and what is this mess about me obsessively calling and texting?! Homie, you called just as much as I did!!

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Update on the boys in this entry:
Surprisingly, Forest and I maintained a friendship through our graduation. You get to hear more about him later :)

Monday, March 5, 2012

27. All good things must come to an end

As I've mentioned before, Henry* and I actually fought quite a bit. There was one fight in particular that my cell phone accidentally dialed him while my mom and I were talking about him, and she was revealing her usual disgust for our relationship. It's not that she didn't necessarily like him, she just thought he was emotionally abusive to me and that I deserved better.

Henry began tagging along with me to my church on Wednesday nights at my request. Henry had already graduated, and he came to my town one Wednesday night in June. He came down a little earlier than necessary so we could just hang out and go get some dinner before we went to church. This particular week, Lizzie* and Tony* also decided to join us. We all hung out at Lizzie's place for a little bit before heading downtown to a local Italian restaurant. While we were eating, Tony and Henry started making jokes at my expense, and something just set me over the edge. I'm not sure what exactly they said that pissed me off, but Henry got into it BIG TIME at the restaurant. We weren't quite yelling, but I do remember leaving the restaurant before I finished my dinner.

While he and I were in the car together, the fight really escalated. Before I knew it, I was yelling and crying at the same time. I told him that we didn't need to go to church anymore because there was no way I was going to calm down in time (in about 20 minutes). Instead, he and I went back to my house and sat in his car in the driveway and continued to fight. He and I yelled and argued and aired out everything we hated about each other, and then finally around 9 p.m., we decided to just end things. At the end of it all, we were both crying. He begged me to re-think it, to stay with him. Truth is, I knew this was a long time coming. He was heading off to college in the fall, and we were both so emotionally abusive to each other that I knew I would never be able to fully trust him while he was away.

I tried walking into my house and he ran out of his car after me to try to get me to change my mind. It caused us to start talking again, causing me to get back in his car to talk more. I think I ended up staying out there until around midnight, and finally, I just couldn't cry anymore. My last words were "I'm getting out of this car, going to bed, and you're not following me. You're going to drive home, and that will be the end of it."

It wasn't quite the end of it, because we definitely did try to get back together the next day, but it only lasted a couple weeks. I told him to stop calling me (way before text messaging was the way to communicate).

Ten months. We were together for ten months, and then I selfishly broke it off.

My name is Blake*, and he was the first person I ever said "I love you" to. Unfortunately, I found out a couple years later that I said it, but those feelings weren't as genuine as the guy I now call my high school sweetheart.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Update on the boys in this entry:
Henry and I continued to talk to each other off and on. In fact, he and I are still pseudo-friends, and we hang out almost every time he comes to my town. It's actually not awkward at all. Except for when a girl that likes him is a bitch to me because she thinks we're getting back together. HELL NO.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

26. A night to remember

Henry's*  parents rented a car for us to drive to his prom. Since it was his senior prom, his parents wanted it to be the nicest prom he had gone to yet. Henry showed up in a very nice rented Cadillac. He knocked on the door to my house and my mom opened up the door. The look on his face was the best part of the night. Now, I was one of the biggest tomboys you would ever meet, so for him to see me with makeup on and everything was kind of a big deal. But nothing could prepare me for his reaction when he saw the way I looked.

We did our usual where our parents took a ridiculous amount of pictures of just the two of us, just us by ourselves, and then us with Lizzie* and Tony*. Then the four of us piled into the Caddy and went to a nice little bistro for our dinner reservations. I had braces at the time, so I had to be real careful as to what I ate. Didn't want to show up to prom with lettuce and stuff hanging in my teeth!

After we finished dinner, we still had a couple hours before the prom started, so we went back to Henry's town to visit with his dad. This is where Henry and I separated from Tony and Lizzie. Tony wanted to take Lizzie by his house to show her off to his parents, and Henry and I were meeting up with Heath* and his girlfriend Dani*. This is the same girl that hung out with us on New Years Eve, so I wasn't very excited to be spending that evening with her. Heath had broken the heart of one of my friends to be with her, so I never fully trusted her, but I digress.

The four of us piled into the car and headed to the prom after hanging out with Henry's dad for a little bit. Dani had a flask and had brought some liquor in it, which she and Heath sat and drank in the back seat of the car. They offered some to Henry and I, but I refused and told Henry that if he drank while he was driving us, even if it was one sip, that he could just forget about me staying at the prom and I would have my mom come pick me up. So because I was  a bitch about it, Henry didn't drink either.

Once we got to the venue, Henry and I picked out a table and sat down for a little bit. My typical shoe attire every day was a pair of tennis shoes, so the small 3 inch heels were killing my feet. We sat down for a little bit, until Lizzie and Tony joined us, then the four of us headed to the dance floor and danced the night away. We danced all the normal ones you hear, like YMCA, Cha Cha Slide, and the Electric Slide too. But the one dance that I will never forget was a slow dance that Henry and I shared. "Our song" was a Hoobastank song that he and I loved a lot, but the song never got played. Instead, during the song "Amazed," a country song by Lonestar, Henry sang the entire song to me. Like I said, his voice was sexy, so hearing him sing to me was fantastic.

He and I stayed the duration of the prom, and then returned to his house so I could change. I think originally we were planning on going bowling after the prom, but because we had stayed for the whole time, we didn't want to pay just to bowl half a game. Instead, we decided to meet up with everyone at IHOP. I don't really like pancakes all that much, and to be honest I was exhausted and was just ready to go home. But we pulled into the IHOP parking lot and sat and talked for a little bit, and then he decided that he was ready to go home too.

I can't remember if I was allowed to stay the night with him or not. If I wasn't allowed to stay the night, I know I was allowed to stay out past my curfew. I feel like I did stay the night with him, but I can't really remember. I know I got home very early the next day. Henry and I didn't have sex that night just because I was so tired. It was one of the best nights of my life.

Even though that night created a euphoric memory for me, Henry and I were in high school, and you know how often high school relationships last....

My name is Blake*, and prom can truly be a magical night, just as long as you are smart about it. I didn't drink that night, and it was one of the best proms I ever went to.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Saturday, March 3, 2012

25. Anticipation is half the fun

I had gone to prom the year before with a friend of the family in the next town over. I bought the dress last minute, and wasn't in love with it, only spent a couple hours getting ready, and had my mom do my makeup. I wan't that into it just because I viewed him as only a friend. We went to a nice dinner and didn't stay at the prom for more than an hour or two before he took me home.

I was determined to make this prom different. Henry* and I had exchanged those three little words shortly before we had sex for the first time, so I knew that this year's prom would be different. I was going with a guy who was  my boyfriend, who I cared for and loved, and who I knew would love how HOT I looked in my dress.

I woke up way earlier than I had originally intended to on that Saturday morning because I was so incredibly nervous. I got up, ate some wonderful homemade breakfast of biscuits and eggs, and then called my friend Lizzie*. She and I had made plans to spend all day getting ready together. We still had a few hours to go before our hair appointments, so we decided to go get our nails done instead.

We both went with classier looks for our nails, we both got a French manicure on our hands and feet. She and I talked nonstop about how excited we were for the evening and how excited we were for our boys to see us in our dresses.

We left the nail place and headed to the salon to get our hair done. My hairdresser asked about my dress and how I wanted my hair styled to match it. Since my hair is naturally curly, I decided that I wanted something straight. My hairstylist was a creative genius, and put together something straight that was still an updo. I can't really explain what it was, other than she straightened my hair and then wrapped it around in a bun, but there were still pieces sticking out all over the place, and there were pieces framing my face. It doesn't sound very pretty, but by the time she was finished working her magic, I WAS IN LOVE. It was more perfect than I could have ever imagined.

Once our hair was done, Lizzie and I headed back home to do our makeup. This year, I still saved money by having a family member do it, but I also requested that my eyes be a little more dramatic to match my dress.

Of course between all of this, we made a Taco Bell run to keep us from passing out from the anxiety. It was that late Taco Bell run that made me feel like I was no longer going to be able to fit into my slinky little black dress. So after all of this getting ready, the time finally arrived. Our boys were on their way to come get us for our dinner reservations. My mom helped me into my dress, and I loved how it all came together...the hair, the nails, the makeup, down to the shoes. I loved it all. Now all I needed to go with it was my Henry.

My name is Blake*, and we all know the best part of prom is that "wow" moment when your date sees how pretty you look.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent