13. This is where I started my secrecy

Just before I started my freshman year in high school, I was, surprise surprise, crazy about Harry*.

So when Harry asked me to hang out with him and his friend Tim*, I definitely said yes without question.

Little did I know, he had also invited my friend Lizzie* over as well. I was never a big fan of Tim because he had broken a friend's heart, and he was sleazy. However, Harry knew that I wanted him, and  he wanted Lizzie, and he knew that because Lizzie and I were inseparable, he wouldn't be able to hang out with Lizzie without asking me over.

Thus, I got pawned off on Tim.

We got invited out to Tim's parent's house. Even though both Tim and Harry were only 15, they drove is in the family farm truck out to the farthest ends of Tim's land. The four of us watched the sunset and it was beautiful.

I should have known then that it was going to be disaster. Once we drove back to the house, Harry and Tim kind of cornered Lizzie and I into the shed. I. DID. NOT. WANT. THIS. AT. ALL. Tim kind of forced himself on me. I kissed him back, but every time he would try to do more, I would push him off. He kept pressing himself against me, saying, you're so pretty, look what you do to me...I wasn't buying it. Thank goodness my mom called me about 5 minutes into it and said she was about 5 seconds away. The four of us quickly ran out of the shed to meet my mom.

To this day, the four of us are the only ones that know about what went on.

My name is Blake*, and being forced on is shitty.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

Update on Tim:

I told you Tim was super sleazy. He ended up getting a girl pregnant while we were in high school, and then is still a deadbeat dad. I don't even know what he's doing now

9. Crazy over one boy for far too long

I've learned that most junior high and high school boys will pay attention to whichever girl is convenient during the summer months. I wish I could say that Harry* was different than most boys, but if he were, I'd still be with him to this day.

Harry and I had attended church together for quite some time at this point, and I was one of the few girls that went to church on a regular basis. We also spent a lot of time outside of church together, hanging out at his house, going to movies, and just enjoying each other's company.

We also went to church camp together that summer. The problem with going to church camp is that I was no longer convenient for him. I can't tell you how many numbers he got during the week that we were at camp. He was the only one I wanted to talk to, so I didn't even attempt to get other guys' numbers.

He stayed in touch with one girl in particular for a while after we got back. Just before school started, he stopped talking to me completely. And it's because he was going into high school, and I was still stuck in junior high. He broke my heart. And it wouldn't be the last time he did either. (There is STILL more to Harry's story.)

 

My name is Blake*, and you should NEVER give someone the opportunity to break your heart more than once.

 

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent

6. Sixth numbered post to correspond with sixth grade, how convenient.

I left you last night with the story of Noah* and I. Noah took up almost all of my fifth grade year, and I went into the summer between 5th and 6th grade excited for the upcoming school year. I was allowed to start attending the youth group at my church, and there was a boy going into 7th grade that I was IN LOVE with, Harry*. Harry and his family had been a member of the church longer than I have, but something about an older boy just got me.

I began to start doing things I thought Harry would think is cool just to hopefully get his attention. I even started pushing myself to lift heavier weights in our summer weight lifting program just in the hopes that he would think I was cool.

The downfall of that summer was that I didn't get to go to church camp with our youth group. Harry came back with about 3 or 4 numbers of girls he had met that week. My hopes were crushed slightly, but I hoped that he would come around and see that we were meant to be together (ohhh how DUMB I was when I was a kid!)

I went into 6th grade still utterly in love with Harry, but it went nowhere fast. We hung out with a lot of the same people because we both played sports, but that was about it.

Honestly, I can't remember if I had a "boyfriend" at all that year. Even though Harry never made it to that point, he was my obsession for many years, so you can bet that he is still a part of this story!

My name is Blake*, and talking about all these boys I was "in love with" in junior high is ridiculous.

*all names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent